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Band 4

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sport which are played in teams, like footbool, while other people think that taking part in individuals sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #part #sport #teams #footbool #individuals #sports #tennis
Activities likely doing
sports
 are mostly popular in
teams
 or by
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
. Many
people
 argue that it has more positive impacts doing
sports
 on
teams
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 by
athletic
Replace the word
athletics
show examples
.
Overall
,
this
 essay will discuss both views and argue that every take part in
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
,
such
 as growing teamwork and communication
skills
 and
giving
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the opportunity to develop inter-person
skills
. On the one hand, the individuals who
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
sport
 for a
group
, there are several impacts for their self and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 on the one team.
Firstly
, it will grow
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
 every
people
 in the
group
.
Moreover
, every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 has
connected
Replace the word
a connection
show examples
,
thus
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 in social interaction. And
then
, develop communication
skills
other
Change preposition
with other
show examples
 numbers in a
group
, they will become
a family numbers
Correct the article-noun agreement
a family number
family numbers
show examples
.
Furthermore
, the relationship will be longer because
base
Wrong verb form
based
show examples
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their experience together in the
group
.
For example
, the TV news found that the Papuan
foot ball
Correct your spelling
football
show examples
 numbers who spent together are mostly with their
wifes
Correct your spelling
wives
show examples
 in Bali.
On the other hand
,
people
 doing athletic
sports
 are improving and developing their inter-person
skills
.
Moreover
, the typical types of
sports
 individuals who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
extracted
Verb problem
worked
show examples
 hard
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 encourage and
achived
Correct your spelling
achieved
achieve
 their goals.
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals who
athletic
Add a missing verb
are athletic
show examples
 in running
are spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 six hours
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
training running of the
rutee
Correct your spelling
rupee
router
route
 using
time
Correct article usage
a time
show examples
 maker. In conclusion, there are
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 of
people
 doing
sport
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 groups or
person
Change preposition
in person
show examples
.
However
, every
types
Change to a singular noun
type
show examples
 of
sport
 has
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 for
achieve
Change the verb form
achieving
show examples
 their goals in person or
teams
Change preposition
in teams
show examples
.
Thus
,
everypeople
Correct your spelling
every people
 has
Correct article usage
a change
show examples
change
Correct your spelling
chance
show examples
for building
Change preposition
to build
show examples
 and
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 their personal or on
teams
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
commucation
Correct your spelling
Communication
skills
 and reflection
add
Correct subject-verb agreement
adds
show examples
 value to
people
's lives.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure as the ideas are somewhat disorganized and not fully developed, leading to a poor flow of information and argumentation.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present but they are not clearly articulated or well-developed, undermining the overall effectiveness of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Main points are presented but they require better support through the use of specific examples, explanations, and logically structured arguments.
task achievement
The response does not fully address all parts of the task. The discussion of both views and the provision of a clear opinion needs to be more evident throughout the essay.
task achievement
The ideas presented are unclear and lack comprehensive development. Each point needs to be elaborated upon with sufficient detail to enhance understanding.
task achievement
The essay lacks the use of relevant and specific examples to strengthen the argument. Including such examples can significantly improve the quality of the response.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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