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Band 3.5

A lot of people are suffering from loneliness these days. They lack of physical fitness. What do you think are the reason of this problem? Can you think of possible solutions?

#people #loneliness #lack #fitness #reason
In today's interconnected society, there is a prevailing proposition, that some individuals have issues,
due to
 loneliness.
This
 essay will expatiate the reasons and the solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 problem with relevant examples and a logical conclusion will be drawn. There are several causes of
this
 phenomenon. The
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
primary reason is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 nowadays
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
experiences
Wrong verb form
is experiencing
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant improvement.
Hence
, some
people
 prefer to spend their leisure time watching the TV and smartphones,
instead
 of spending time with friends and colleagues.
Consequently
,
this
 factor has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on
people
's social life.
Additionally
, another reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 loneliness is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 some kids have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number of complications in their family,
due to
 several consequences, which promote introvert disorder
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 age. As an example, children have
the
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apply
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social problems and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
anxiety.
On the other hand
, there are various solutions for
this
 situation. First of all,
people
 should spend more time with their friends or use some apps, which help to create new relationships.
For instance
,
due to
 apps,
such
 as
,
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apply
show examples
 Tinder,
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 can find a partner,
while
 staying at home and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 online conversations.
Secondly
, individuals with diseases,
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 anxiety, should visit
specialist
Fix the agreement mistake
specialists
show examples
 in
this
 field for treatment.
For example
, nowadays psychiatrists are very popular and may help
to
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apply
show examples
people
 with loneliness. In conclusion, there are some reasons,
due to
people
feel
Wrong verb form
feeling
show examples
 lonely and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 low level of physical condition .
Nevertheless
, these complications can be solved by therapists and doctors.
Submitted by hebibli.eli on

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coherence cohesion
The essay has logical structure, but it could be better enhanced by clear topic sentences and a more apparent progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, they are not fully developed. The introduction should more clearly state the reasons and solutions to be discussed, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported to some extent, but the arguments could be strengthened with more detailed examples and a clearer link between the causes/solutions and the issue of loneliness.
task achievement
The task is addressed, with reasons and solutions identified, though the response is sometimes generic. A stronger focus on specific examples would enhance this.
task achievement
Ideas are expressed, but sometimes lack depth. Including more comprehensive arguments with clear explanations will lead to a higher score.
task achievement
Relevant examples are used, but they are not always specific or fully elaborated. To improve, use detailed and directly related examples to reinforce your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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