IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You work for an international company, and would like to spend six months working in its head office in another country. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter  -explain why you want to work in the company's head office for six months  -say how you work could be done while you are away -ask for his-her help in arranging it

#work #company #six #months #head #office #country #manager #-explain #-say #-ask #his-her
Dear Matt, I hope
this
 letter finds you well. I am writing to request for I would like to work in our head office in Toronto for six months. As you know, when I was completing
to
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an efficiency project I was working very closely with our Toronto team. I always wanted to work with different cultures.
Last
 week I got an offer from our Toronto team leader Mr. Lees. He asked to me work here as an Excellence Manager for a
while
. It is a temporary position. I think that
,
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this
 role will contribute a huge experience to my professional career. In my absence, our intern David will replace my position. I trained him about my duty and I think he can be successful.
Besides
, you can reach out from my mobile number for urgent issues. I hope that my request will
accept
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be accepted
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 by your side. I look forward to receiving your response. Yours faithfully, Mary White.
Submitted by mervekerkuklu on

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task achievement
The response partially fulfills the task, but the reasons for wanting to work in the head office are not fully developed and clear. Provide more detailed explanations and justification for your desire to work at the head office.
task achievement
Maintain a more formal and consistent tone throughout the letter. Avoid overly casual language and ensure that the tone matches the professional context of the request.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the letter is fair but can be improved. Ensure each paragraph contains a clear main idea and that the paragraphs logically flow from one to the next.
coherence and cohesion
The greeting and closing are appropriate for the letter's context; however, remember to always maintain a consistent level of formality.
coherence and cohesion
While each paragraph seems to address a single idea, ensure that the transition between ideas is smooth and that each idea is fully developed for greater clarity.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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