comparison between population growth between three countries

The table provides statistics about the variation in the
propotional
Correct your spelling
proportional
growth for
people
aged above 65 years in
Canada
,
Germany
and
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
.
Overall
, all three countries experienced a considerable increase in
this
population, except for
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
.
To begin
, in 1988, the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
aged above 65 in
Canada
,
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
, and
Germany
was 16.32%, 14.23% and 20.4% each, respectively.
Converserly
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Conversely
, in 2000, the growth increased significantly for both
Canada
and
Germany
, the former peaked at 20.67%, and the latter
sruged
Correct your spelling
surged
shrugged
to 25.32%.
On the other hand
,
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
population slightly climbed to 14.89%. It is observed that
Germany
had the highest percentage of elderly
people
between 1988-2000.
Similarly
, it is expected that in 2030,
people
aged above 65 years in all three countries will
shareply
Correct your spelling
sharply
increase to 26.35 % in
Canada
, 30.42% in
Germany
, and 20.35% in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
according to
the projections.
Submitted by ototonji.ot on

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coherence cohesion
The essay shows an attempt to establish a logical progression of information, yet transitions between points can be improved for better coherence. To enhance your score, you should use a range of cohesive devices and clearer paragraphing to signal the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion elements are not clearly defined, the main points are somewhat supported. It is essential to explicitly state an introduction and conclusion to frame your response. In the introduction, you should paraphrase the task question and in the conclusion, summarize your main points and restate the overall trend. Strengthen your main points by expanding on the implications or significance of the data.
task achievement
Your response partially fulfills the task, including some key comparisons and data. However, it lacks a full and clear coverage of the requirements of the task. Ensure that your response comprehensively addresses all parts of the prompt, including comparing the population growth in the three countries and highlighting any significant trends or differences. Also, including specific details and elaborations can help turn a 'limited' response into a 'sufficient' or 'good' response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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