Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your experience.
There is a view that
children
's extracurricular activities
should be done for educational purposes, while
others opinion's
Change the noun form
opinions
opinion
is
not. I totally disagree with the statement. In my opinion, Correct subject-verb agreement
are
children
have right
to enjoy various Correct article usage
the right
activities
, not just educational events. This
essay will discuss why I oppose to
the statement.
On the one hand, Change preposition
apply
children
can broaden their horizons by actively participating in various activities
such
as sports, art, and volunteer
. By engaging in Wrong verb form
volunteering
such
activities
, Children
can learn cooperation and communication skills, which are essential abilities needed as a member of society. Moreover
, these soft skills is
sometimes much more important than one's academic ability. Change the verb form
are
Leisure
activities
which may not helpful
to improve Add a missing verb
be helpful
child's
intellectual foundation, can make Correct article usage
a child's
children
grow in a balanced way.
On the other hand
, such
leasiure
Correct your spelling
leisure
activities
that are even irrelevant to academic purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
,
can eventually help Remove the comma
apply
children
study better. A number of studies have shown that extracurricular activities
enhance children
's concentration, therefore
, children
who participate various
Change preposition
in various
activieis
are more likely to outperform in tests than Correct your spelling
activities
who
don't. Correct pronoun usage
those who
That is
one of the reasons why many universities take it
into account students' extracurricular Correct pronoun usage
apply
activities
when they proceed admission process. Hence
, technically speaking, leisure
activities
that are seemed
to be Correct your spelling
deemed
uneducational
, Correct your spelling
un educational
are actually link
to Change the verb form
are actually linked
children
's academic performance.
To sum up
, leisure
activities
whether related to educational or uneducational
, can improve Correct your spelling
noneducational
children
's soft skills and actually helpful
to achieve better academic results. For those reasons, I disagree with the statement that all Replace the word
help
leisure
activities
should be educational. All children
deserve to enjoy leisure
activities
if they have positive effects.Submitted by ywb516 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear logical flow. Each idea should be clearly introduced, explained and then summed up. The transitions between the points could be smoother for better readability.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to clearly reflect your position, making sure they encapsulate your argument and restate your opinion firmly.
Task Achievement
Supporting examples need to be more detailed and specific. Instead of general statements about what studies show, including specific findings from actual studies to substantiate your claims would be more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Address the prompt fully by making sure to discuss both sides of the argument when required. Expand on why some believe educational leisure activities are not a waste of time while also explaining your own stance.