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Give me a feedback and an expected score, with words count, on task 2 ielts writing, the topic of Some people believe that paper industry will completely decline, because of the improvement of technological devices To what extent you agree ?

#feedback #score #count #ielts #topic #people #paper #industry #decline #improvement #devices
There is a widely held perception in many parts worldwide that,
paper
Add an article
the paper
show examples
 industry is going to disappear,
as a result
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technological improvements, and I partially agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
, because,
however
 many
people
 are using the
internet
 for many purposes, there are large numbers of
people
 still using
paper
 products. One point
which
Correct word choice
that
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 I believe to be absolutely pivotal is that, the advancement of the technology affected the
paper
 sector. To illustrate, nowadays most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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humans depend on the network to get information
as well as
 news. Having been widely used, and easily accessible, websites facilitated various data collection.
For example
,
instead
 of going to libraries to get some pieces of information, researchers get whatever they want
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the click of a button. So
it is clear that
 the technology had a negative impact on
paper
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the paper
show examples
 industry. Another point which can be seen by everyone is that
,
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 there are huge proportions of
people
 depend on
paper
 in many areas, even after the introduction of the
internet
.
In other words
, many readers prefer to hold books in their hands not reading
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 online, for many reasons,
such
 as
,
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apply
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 being reluctant to
internet
 usage.
as well as
 being distracted easily
while
 using the web. Studies have shown that eighty per cent of
people
 experience
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
 span of attention in case of using devices for studying. So
that
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apply
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it is clear
that
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apply
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why many
people
 prefer
paper based
Add a hyphen
paper-based
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 sources. To recapitulate,
although
 parer usage declined significantly, with the amelioration of new devices,
but
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apply
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there are many
people
remain
Verb problem
who continue
show examples
 using it, because of the fact that, they may not be interested in the
internet
as well as
 not being focused
while
 using it.
Submitted by moo.elnokrashy on

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task achievement
Be sure to clearly address the question throughout your essay. Address both sides of the argument adequately and maintain a clear position throughout.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraphing and topic sentences to create a clearer logical structure. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and the paragraphs follow each other in a logical sequence.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to help with the flow of the essay. This can greatly improve the cohesion of your text.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. Make sure that the examples are directly relevant to your main points.
general feedback
Your essay has met the basic requirements for task response and coherence but could be significantly improved with more development, detail, and clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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