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Band 4

Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#events #football #world #cup #occasions #tensions #emotions
Promoting conflict among numerous nations worldwide has been one of the most fruitful approaches to
penetrate
Wrong verb form
penetrating
show examples
among
Change preposition
apply
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societies for
exploiting
Replace the word
exploitation
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. International recreational and sporting events namely
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
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 and
football
Correct article usage
the football
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 World Cup possess the ability to bring about sweeping change for
this
 political circumstance and nations will be tied together, and ultimately can settle the disputes.
This
 essay aims to elaborate on and illustrate
this
 perspective. To embark on, the international tensions have been modified as a means to segregate nations with corresponding
believes
Replace the word
beliefs
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, faiths and outlooks to dominate them separately and more conveniently. If these authorities had not implemented
this
 policy, these people would have allied together, and
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
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 control would demand
much
Correct article usage
a much
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 more gigantic
endeavor
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endeavour
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.
Consequently
, global events provide people with none to second opportunity to get acquainted with one another, disrupting
this
 conspiracy and easing tensions. If I want to go
further
, the autocratic regimes have had
burning
Correct article usage
a burning
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 desire to instill a counterfoil sense of patriotism among
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
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 to propel them
for abusing
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to abuse
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 and manipulate these populations. A sense of belonging to a country or even a person and defensing them can give rise to an act which may not align with
commonsense
Correct word choice
common
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 and sensibility
.in
Correct your spelling
In
 conclusion cater
a
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for a
show examples
platform for individuals so that they can evacuate their
bottled up
Add a hyphen
bottled-up
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 impressions and can lead to soothe chronic backlashes in catastrophic situations. In summary, all aforementioned
stand points
Correct your spelling
standpoints
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 derive
to
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apply
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a concrete inference that, every ritual, ceremony and world widely held occurrence which, endowing people
an
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with an
show examples
 unprecedented opportunity to be more intimate and release their negative stifled sentiments can make the world much more superior dwelling for living and limit the field for oppressive governments to exert control ruthlessly.
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Task Response
Task response: Though you have made an attempt to respond to the topic, your response lacks a clear opinion which directly addresses the extent to which you agree or disagree. Make sure to include a clear thesis statement and directly answer the essay question in your introduction and conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay lacks clear, logical progression of ideas. Paragraphs and sentences are poorly constructed, making the text difficult to follow. Ideas should flow in a logical order, and clear topic sentences should be used to commence each paragraph.
Supported Main Points
Supported Main Points: You have attempted to provide support for your main points but have not always used relevant examples or evidence. Consider providing more concrete examples and clearly link them to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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