Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Most food and drink companies manufacture foods and drinks including extended sugar, which may lead to crucial health issues.
For
this
reason, this
essay will disagree with the statement that these products shouldn’t be cheap to discourage people from easily buying.
Firstly
, if sugary foods aren’t easy to purchase, they become more attractive to human beings. People, especially children, would be more curious to consume this
kind of junk foods
, Fix the agreement mistake
food
therefore
, wouldn’t be beneficial to decrease their consumption. For instance
, cigarettes are more expensive than every person could use regularly, although
, it is not preventing for
users Change preposition
apply
to buy
. Because it has addictive ingredients.
Change preposition
from buying
Secondly
, not preferring to consume would be up to the person. If a teenager would make several attempts to try something, whether it costs too much or less, she could find that money at the end
of the day. So then
, it should be free to choose either way. Additionally
, it has been shown in research that when a parent punishes the child for what she did, it won’t have long-term effects avoiding to do
the same thing again, Change the verb form
doing
on the other hand
, it is found that explaining the wrong thing by speaking is more effective.
To conclude
, lots of fast food consists of sugary ingredients inside, and this
is one of the main reasons why serious problems occur in health. These food and drinks shouldn’t be unreachable, because it won’t be preventive for humans and everyone should be aware of what they would like to do with free will.Submitted by busrasenturk1 on
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introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a clear thesis statement, which should be the primary focus of the introduction. You should clearly state your position on whether you agree or disagree with the statement in the prompt.
logical structure
Some of the paragraphs are underdeveloped and lack clear topic sentences. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, which is then explained and supported with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Transition words and phrases are used, but they do not always create a fluid and logical sequence. Work on sentence linkage and paragraph transitions to enhance the logical flow of ideas.
complete response
The essay only partially addresses the task by disagreeing with the statement but provides insufficient development and justification for its points. For a higher score, you should expand on your ideas, explain them fully, and present a balanced view by also discussing the opposite perspective.
clear comprehensive ideas
You need to refine your argument and present it more comprehensively. Include more targeted examples to strengthen your points. Rather than making general statements, you should explore the ideas more deeply to construct a compelling argument.
relevant specific examples
Your real-world examples are slightly relevant but not fully convincing. Use specific, detailed examples to back up your argument and make it more persuasive and coherent.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?