Government investment in the art, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree
The debate surrounding an age-old issue regarding how the government should allocate the national budget has always been divisive. An astounding number of citizens are calling for a greater portion of
such
money to be put towards public services
; namely healthcare, education, etc. Additionally
, they think that politicians are putting an excessive amount of cash towards infrastructure relating to art like theatres and concert houses which would only benefit the public in terms of entertainment. This
essay will elucidate the aforementioned matter, as well as
evaluate if my own personal view aligns with the statement above or not.
On the one hand, the significance of a country's investment towards intangible initiation must not be glossed over. Governments exist to serve their nation's population, therefore
, it only makes sense that the public cost should be used to improve healthcare, solve illiteracy issues, emphasize social benefits towards the elderly, end homelessness and poverty etc. Moreover
, the improvement of public services
leads to an increase in the overall
productivity and life quality of the nation's people, which strengthens the country's economy and in turn, their power. It should come as no surprise that those who put an emphasis on public services
, for example
, the United States and the United Kingdom, are the biggest in terms of political and economic power. Therefore
, the investment towards such
services
is justified and must be focused on.
On the other hand
, some would argue that investing in art can also
improve the public's life quality as it helps to alleviate stress through relaxing plays and concerts. However
, such
investments tend to be liabilities rather than assets. Not only are they costly to maintain, but also
they do not serve many purposes other than to host shows and plays - which are inaccessible to impoverished citizens. All in all, the total allocation should be put towards ending poverty and improving schools rather than be spent on unused theatres.
To summarize, I agree that a huge portion of the national budget should be allocated towards improving public services
. Politicians should emphasize how the money would benefit their country's people and not how to spend it on excessive means of art.Submitted by walker57842 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure the articulation of main points is clear and well-developed throughout the essay. While the structure is logical, some points require more detailed support and specific examples to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
When discussing examples, include specific instances or data to make the argument more robust and persuasive. The inclusion of specific examples would also enhance the task response score.
coherence cohesion
Improve the range of cohesive devices used to link ideas more smoothly. Although there are clear paragraphs, more varied transitions could enhance readability and flow.
coherence cohesion
Although the introduction and conclusion are present, ensure the conclusion restates your position more clearly and sums up the main arguments made in the essay.
task achievement
Address counterarguments more fully to create a more balanced view, and include a rebuttal to strengthen your main argument. This will improve the task response score.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example