Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be valuable for children. Others beleve this may have negative effects on a child's development. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #television #video #computer #games #children #beleve #effects #child #development

Spending time on TV, video and online

games

is a topic of considerable debate.

While

some people argue that it has a positive impact, others claim that it has a more devastating influence on their growth which I strongly believe.

This

essay will elaborate both views and my opinion with relevant examples. On the one hand, many people think that using technological, modern devices has a significant effect on individuals' behaviour.

In other words

, playing online sports can develop not only cognitive thinking but

also

enhance the sense of independence because gamers make their own decision which means they are trying to overcome challenging situations,

thus

, provides being mentally stable.

For instance

, a recent study shows that approximately 75% of global players believe video

games

supplemental stimulation and stress relief, where they get a healthy outlet from everyday difficulties and help them feel happier.

On the other hand

, some proponents urged that spending more time watching television programs can cause serious health problems related to eye vision because UV lights from phone screens as the ability to damage people's cornea.

In addition

to that, it

averts

Verb problem

prevents

show examples

the young ones from indulging in outdoor activities ,

therefore

, they may not feel refreshed or active during the day.

For instance

Remove the article

apply

show examples

research shows that an average of 60% of offspring prioritize screen timing and indoor

games

like video or multiplayer

games

rather than playing on the grounds which has plagued health-related issues

such

as obesity.

To sum up

, considering the numerous advantages

such

as being involved in a range of amusement allowing physical well-being, it is my firm conviction that console

games

disrupt the human health condition.

Submitted by dilnurakari06 on Mon Feb 05 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph clearly presents one main idea and avoid mixing different ideas within a single paragraph for improved clarity and logical structure.

coherence cohesion

Connect your ideas with a variety of linking words to improve the flow of your essay. Although the current essay uses some linking phrases, more could be used to enhance cohesion.

task achievement

Focus on a balanced argument by dedicating similar lengths to discussing both views before stating your opinion. This will demonstrate a more complete response to the task.

task achievement

Try to integrate clear, focused ideas in your essay. While you have provided a general discussion, some ideas could be further explained or developed for greater clarity and depth.

task achievement

Include more specific examples to support your arguments. The examples you've given are relevant but can be further detailed to strengthen your case and make the argument more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

275 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be valuable for children. Others beleve this may have negative effects on a child's development. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Recycling is a pointless activity, it is fraught with inefficiency. Governments need to develop policies to tackle waste and other issues at source. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

Some people think that the best way to solve global environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

13.Today, some food travels thousands of miles from farms to consumers. Some people think that it would be better to our environment and economy if people only eat locally produced food. To what extent do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are reasons for these behaviors? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?