IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Investment in local amenities such as leisure centres is the best way for the government to foster a good community spirit. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#investment #amenities #leisure #centres #government #community #spirit
Community centres provide an opportunity to gather and relax for an extended period.
Government
 investment in these types of leisure
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 will increase the bond between people in society. I strongly agree with
this
 statement. In
this
 essay, we discussed the importance of the
government
 supporting the local amenities and their advantages.
Firstly
, in
this
 busy and stressful life, everyone finds a place to reduce their tensions. The local setups like the gym and community centre are the best place for them. Within some days they should know each other and share their opinions and views about their daily life or public news.
Therefore
, we can say that the leisure centre is one of the best ways to foster a good community spirit. They will create clubs and do activities together.
Secondly
, the
Government
 can arrange some sports events for children. Parents or someone will accompany them and it makes a platform to build a good relationship with each other. It helps the kid's physical and mental abilities
moreover
 the adults can
also
 participate to develop a social spirit.
For example
, the sports corner in Niagara conducts a volleyball competition in loving memory of Jimmy George every year. So, everyone can participate
according to
 their age group with a team.
To conclude
, public centres are the key to boosting the social spirit. It is an asset for the party to collect people likely the people can enhance their physical and mental health.
Thus
, funding to build local services provides benefits for the
government
as well as
 society.
Submitted by fspt1234 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear and logical structure by organizing ideas into distinct paragraphs, each with a clear central topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Include a clear introduction that states your position on the topic and a conclusion that summarizes your main points effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Support each main point with clear, relevant examples and explanations to illustrate your arguments better.
Task Achievement
Address the task directly by not only stating your agreement or disagreement but also by discussing the extent to which you agree or disagree.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas fully to form a more comprehensive response, elaborating on how exactly local amenities foster community spirit.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific and detailed examples related to the impact of investment in local amenities to strengthen your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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