IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You have just started a course in a college which has no sports facilities of its own. Write a letter to the manager of the nearest private sports club.

#course #college #sports #facilities #manager #club
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with
sports
facilities
. I have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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live
Wrong verb form
lived
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 in a small university town. I have just started a course in a college which has no
sports
 comfort of its own. When I arrived, the
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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club
 had many problems, the air conditioning was not working and
club
Add an article
the club
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has
Wrong verb form
had
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 no other
sports
facilities
. The first thing I would like to draw your attention
is
Change preposition
to is
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sports
facilities
. I am
in
Correct word choice
interested in
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interesting
Correct word choice
apply
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many
type
Change to a plural noun
types
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 of
sports
.I want to play table tennis where
private
Correct article usage
a private
show examples
sports
club
 has more
sports
facilities
.
In addition
 to
this
, I want to take weight training classes why keeping fit.
Also
, table tennis and
other type
Change the wording
another type
other types
show examples
 of
sports
 important part of
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my life. I would be
greatful
Correct your spelling
grateful
 If you could
description about
Wrong verb form
describe
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 your
sports
club
 and say about costs, members
so
Correct word choice
and so
show examples
 on. I must
apologies
Replace the word
apologise
show examples
 for taking up your valuable time with
this
 matter. I look forward to receiving your reply as soon as possible.
Correct the word
Yours
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Your
Correct your spelling
Yours
show examples
 faithfully, Po‘latova Parizoda.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea. For example, one paragraph can introduce your situation, another can discuss the specifics of what you are looking for in the sports club, and another can request information on membership details and costs.
coherence cohesion
Make logical connections between your sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words effectively to guide the reader through your arguments and requests.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. In this case, make sure to include specific requests or questions about the facilities and membership of the sports club.
task achievement
Maintain a consistently polite and semi-formal tone appropriate for writing to a manager. Avoid informal language and ensure that you use formal expressions of request and inquiry.
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