A large company in your area has decided to spend amount of money,either to sponsor a local children's sports team for two years or to pay for two open-air concerts.It has asked for feed back general public. write a letter to the company .in your letter -describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team -summerise the benefits of paying for the concert. -say how you think to send the money
#company #area #amount #money #sponsor #children #sports #team #two #years #concerts #-describe #-summerise #concert #-say
Dear Company Manager,
I hope you and your company are doing well. I am Harsh Desai, a resident of the area in which you are considering sponsoring a local children's sports organization for 2 years or two open-air concerts. I am writing
this
email to provide you with my personal feedback.
Firstly
, if we look at the advantages of funding children's sports teams, we can say that it will encourage my and every parent's sons and daughters to participate in physical activities. We know that in this
era of technology, youngsters are always busy with their phones. This
good initiative can help to tackle this
issue.
On the other side, if your company pays for two concerts, it can attract many people towards our community. Because of this
, we can meet new people and we get a chance to show our hospitality to them. Moreover
, we, the residents can also
have a good time by attending the show with each other.
In my personal opinion, I would recommend you promote the sports team, because this
is what other parents would also
consider. Any parent would focus on what is better for their children and funding the team seems a better option for kids rather than spending money on a music show.
I really appreciate for listening to me and many people like me who are writing the feedback on this
.
Best regards,
Harsh DesaiSubmitted by harshdesai305 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single point for clarity. Although you've done well to separate ideas, refining paragraphs to present one main idea each more clearly can enhance both readability and impact.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effective, showing respect and a clear purpose. To further improve, consider building a stronger connection between the paragraphs, possibly by referencing how one point leads to the next, to create a smoother flow of ideas.
task achievement
You've effectively covered the task's requirements and presented a personal opinion, which is excellent. To enhance your response, consider providing more detailed examples or data to support your preferences and making comparisons between the two options to show deeper analysis.
task achievement
The tone of your letter is appropriate, coming across as respectful and informative. To elevate it even further, you might experiment with varied sentence structures and a more dynamic vocabulary to express your opinions and suggestions with greater impact.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite