Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugar #health #people

In today’s climate, consuming sugary drinks and

foods

has gained popularity among people. It is a widely held view that increasing the price of sugary and unhealthy

foods

is the best solution to decrease their sales, a theory which I strongly disapprove of. The main justification why the high price of manufactured

foods

would not be fruitful is the fact that it can provoke people to eat more.

In other words

, they would turn to luxury food and

as a result

, individuals are tempted to buy them.

Besides

, from dawn of the time, it has been seen that people’s tendency to have something which is out of reach is higher than things in access. As an example in Iran, they are willing to pay an extravagant amount of money which is higher than its actual price to have an iPhone since it is rare,

this

while

there exist a significant number of mobile phones that not only are less expensive, but

also

have more features like Samsung.

Therefore

this

method can not be effective in the long term. There are a few facts regarding the more effective ways of declining the rate of using high-sugar

foods

rather than making them expensive. First and foremost, kids should be taught in schools about the harms and bad effects of

this

kind of food. The more they become aware of the hazards that sugary

foods

can bring, the less they will use them. An illustration of

this

way is to put several examples and facts in children’s books to affect their subconscious.

Last

but not least, companies can use lower amounts of sugar and

also

they can use natural sweeteners like honey. What can be concluded from the discussion revolving around making expensive manufactured

foods

with high amounts of sugar to decline its consumption is the fact that I find myself among critics who believe that it's not the right course of action.

Submitted by ashkanmlk80 on Mon Feb 26 2024

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task achievement

Try to develop your ideas more thoroughly. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and several sentences that explain or support this idea with specific examples or detailed explanations.

task achievement

Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that tells the reader what the paragraph will be about. This will help with the essay's overall coherence.

coherence and cohesion

Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to help your essay flow more naturally. This will improve your score in coherence and cohesion.

coherence and cohesion

To enhance coherence, ensure that your essay’s paragraphs are logically ordered and that there’s a clear progression of ideas from the introduction, through the body paragraphs, to the conclusion.

general advice

Review the accuracy and range of your grammatical structures and vocabulary. A wider range and more accurate use can help improve your overall score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

321 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

sugar consumption
health problems
manufactured food and drink products
encourage
expensive
reduce
effectively
discourage
tight budget
purchasing
disproportionately
lower-income individuals
healthier food choices
demand
regardless

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Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Nowadays, there are many individuals who wants to self-employed. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Many people believe that the human society has developed into a throw-away society, which is filled with plastic bags and rubbish. What are the causes and the solutions?

Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals from dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live?

2 Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?