IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You are working for a company. You need to take some time off work and want to ask your manager about this. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter, explain why you want to take time off work give details of the amount of time you need suggest how your work could be covered while you are away

#company #time #work #manager #amount
Dear Mr Rawson, I am writing to ask your permission
thay
Correct your spelling
that
 I need some time off work to attend
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
my
friends
Change to a genitive case
friend's
friends'
show examples
 wedding party and
visiting
Wrong verb form
visit
show examples
 my
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 new apartment. Actually, I haven't planned to break from work for a year. But one of my friends suddenly
invented
Verb problem
invited
show examples
 me to attend the special day of his life. And I can't reject it because he was always visiting my
parties
Fix the agreement mistake
party
show examples
.
Furthermore
, my parents moved to the new apartment
last
 month, because of my brother's study at university. And , they want to show me their new apartment near the city
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
.
Additionally
, my father recently had an operation and I haven't seen him since that . I would really appreciate your permission to leave from
2th
Change the ending
2nd
show examples
 the March to 8th 2024. And I will continue my work the next day. I am looking forward to hearing
you
Change preposition
from you
show examples
 and expecting your kind cooperation.
Your
Correct the word
Yours
show examples
 sincerely, Nozigul
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that this idea is fully developed within that paragraph. In your letter, while each paragraph introduces a new idea, expanding on these ideas with more detail or examples would strengthen your message.
coherence cohesion
For a more logical structure, consider organizing your letter so that each paragraph flows into the next with smoother transitions. For example, after mentioning the wedding, you could connect this to visiting your parents by discussing how this opportunity allows you to fulfill personal responsibilities.
task achievement
Your letter adequately addresses the tasks required by the prompt, including the reason for taking time off, the amount of time needed, and a suggestion for covering your work. To enhance task achievement, you could include more specific suggestions on how your responsibilities could be managed in your absence, such as proposing a colleague who could take over certain tasks.
task achievement
While the tone of your letter is suitably formal and polite, paying close attention to spelling and grammar would improve the overall quality of your writing. For instance, correct the spelling of 'thay' to 'that', 'invented' to 'invited', '2th' should be '2nd', and ensure proper punctuation throughout.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Respectful greeting (e.g., 'Dear [Manager's name],')
  • Time off, absence, leave of absence
  • Personal circumstances, compelling reason
  • Duration, number of days/weeks
  • Cover duties, delegate tasks, work handover
  • Alternative arrangements, contingency plans
  • Preparation, advance work, assistance
  • Gratitude, appreciate, understanding
  • Inconvenience, minimal disruption
  • Request approval, formally request
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