A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children’s sports team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter •Describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team. •Summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts. •Say how you think the company should spend the money.

#company #area #amount #money #sponsor #children’s #sports #team #two #years #concerts #feedback #•describe #•summarise #•say

Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to let you know about my feedback regarding your grant for a children's sports team or musical events. On the one hand, If a sports team is granted for two years,

this

will help youngsters to purchase state-of-the-art tools Ultimately they will not only indulge themselves in physical activities but

also

deter themselves from evils like drugs and gangs which will improve their physical and mental well-being.

On the other hand

, the community will enjoy the cultural events provided someone

sponspors

Correct your spelling

sponsors

them as not everybody can afford to arrange these programmes.

First,

this

will enable the society to socialise with each other because these days people are very busy in their lives.

Then

, they can unwind their mind and connect with culture which

otherwise

is not possible

due to

the professional workloads. From my perspective, investing in minor sports teams endures for a long since it will enable them to get rid of financial concerns and foster their sporting skills. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Haris Khan

Submitted by kashikaranti on Thu Mar 14 2024

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Task Achievement

Task Response: You've provided a balanced view covering both options, but the letter could benefit from providing more detailed examples and a stronger personal recommendation to make a stronger argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

Coherence and Cohesion: Consider using more cohesive devices (e.g., moreover, however, in addition) to better link ideas within and between paragraphs, enhancing the logical flow of your arguments.

Task Achievement

For an improved grade, expand your reasons with more detailed examples or personal anecdotes that show a clear linkage between your recommendations and their impact. Also, a brief conclusion summarizing your views could enhance your task response score.

Coherence and Cohesion

Greeting and Closing: Maintain formal language consistently in both the opening and closing of your letter to ensure it aligns with the formal tone of the letter type.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

8 paragraphs

181 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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