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At the present time, the popualtion of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #popualtion #countries #adults #people #situation
Nowadays,we can observe that the number of residents comprises a significantly large amount of youngsters in comparison with elder adults. I firmly believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
This
 essay will look at the benefits and drawbacks of
this
 situation. On the negative side, the higher amount of adolescents can be an issue for the government, specifically in the case of the ability to pay.
Moreover
, young people apply for medical treatment much less often than elder people, which can negatively affect the turnover of the hospitals and considerably decrease medical progress in the countries. To give an illustration,
according to
 the statistics of the Eurasian National University, there is a piece of evidence that in most cases 50+ years old adults start to have medical check-ups and use other medical services. On the positive side, the main advantages of a large number of youngsters can influence the economy's prosperity and a stronger workforce.
Besides
, young individuals have more abilities to work and bring benefits to the economy of the country.
For instance
, the average age of the population in Kazakhstan is around 30 years, which positively impacts the social development of the country. What is more, it is undeniable that each country takes into account the possibility of potential wars and organizes the appropriate preparation,
therefore
 young citizens are in demand of those kinds of situations. In conclusion, it can hardly be denied that there are negative sides to increasing the young population but
nevertheless
, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks for several reasons mentioned in the reason.
Submitted by kassymov_99 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is expanded upon with relevant examples or explanations. While your essay does present examples, digging deeper into these examples or providing more varied illustrations could enhance your task response score.
Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on clarity and precision in your language to avoid any confusion. Though you've organized your essay into paragraphs that logically progress from one idea to the next, strive for more precise language and better transitions between ideas for a smoother reading experience.
Linguistic Range
Include a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate linguistic flexibility. This can make your argument more persuasive and engaging, as well as potentially increase your score in linguistic range and accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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