IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get new events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #world #media #touch #events
It has become increasingly common today for individuals to use social
media
for getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
news
 events and keep in touch with other
people
.
This
 writer argues that the benefits of using
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
 outweigh the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 of
technophone
Correct your spelling
technophobe
techno phone
. It is true that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
current technology and social
media
 make
news
 available to the public sooner than any conventional
media
 like newspapers.
This
 not only enables a faster coverage of
news
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but reduces the use of printed materials to some extent. What
also
 needs to be acknowledged is the significance of social
media
 in promoting interpersonal communication and
information
 exchange. In extreme cases, like during
Corona virus
Correct your spelling
Coronavirus
show examples
 prevention and control, social
media
 has proved its liability as an alternative for offline activities,
such
 as family gatherings and school orientations.
However
, many
people
 are so tied up with social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 that they tend to overlook the long-term side effects. The major problem with using social
media
 in
news
 reporting is that there tends to be a lack of fact verification before the sharing process happens.
People
 are easily overwhelmed by the political arguments, posted selfies, shared links, and brand videos that enter the average
news
 feed every day. When reading current events on social
media
, many
people
 are found just scrolling past headlines and not wanting to read them, either because of
information
 overload or the suspicion of fake
news
. Avoiding
lose
Wrong verb form
lost
show examples
 communication must
also
 be considered. It must be recognised that keeping in touch with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 have already become
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 activity in
the
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apply
show examples
humans
Change the noun form
human
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 life which
is
Verb problem
makes
show examples
 more easier for
people
 to send
the
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apply
show examples
information
 to each other
although
 they are far from half an Earth.
For instance
, a different
time
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times
show examples
of
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between
show examples
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 nations, even a Vietnamese can phone
to
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apply
show examples
a
Canada
Replace the word
Canadian
show examples
 citizen.
There by
Correct your spelling
Thereby
show examples
,
people
 should keep in touch with
other
Correct determiner usage
each other
show examples
, in order to
Wrong verb form
collect
show examples
collecting
Wrong verb form
collect
show examples
information
. Taking into account, the possible impact of using social
media
is outweigh
Change the verb form
is outweighed
show examples
 by the
opprtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to gain vital skills and
advertising
Wrong verb form
advertise
show examples
 mental
exhausion
Correct your spelling
exhaustion
.
Hence
, using technology can be more beneficial
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 tertiary education

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Task Achievement
Ensure you fully address the task prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages and clearly stating if one outweighs the other. Try to provide a more balanced view and articulate your position more clearly throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more logically. Use clear topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to outline the main idea. This will help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly and enhance the overall flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples. These examples should clearly illustrate the advantages and disadvantages you're discussing. By providing more detailed examples, you can strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
General Advice
Review your essay for grammatical errors and work on improving your sentence structure for clarity. Ensuring accuracy in your language use will enhance the overall quality of your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global community
  • maintain relationships
  • immediate updates
  • self-expression
  • networking opportunities
  • overuse
  • misinformation
  • privacy concerns
  • personal data
  • culture of comparison
  • decreased self-esteem
  • dissatisfaction
What to do next:
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