Some think that governments should support retired people financially while others believe they should take care of themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some
people
say that governments
ought to help the aged people
financially, while
others think that they are responsible for themselves. I agree with the first point due to
the tax contributions they make throughout their lives, so the governments
should pay them when they need.
Fix the infinitive
to.
However
, some people
argue that seniors should take of themselves by using their own money
as the governments
cannot offer money
to all their retired persons. The primary reason of
Change preposition
for
this
is the increased cost of living, which hikes day by day. In addition
, the inflation rate increases every day in almost all developing and under-developed
nations. Because of Correct your spelling
underdeveloped
this
, the authorities of such
nations cannot afford offering
Change the verb form
to offer
money
to those who are retired. The cheat
of not paying Replace the word
cheating
taxes
is another reason, as most people
try to avoid paying taxes
and find ways to lessen it. For example
, in many countries, the majority of employees work under the table to avoid their official income. Despite this
, I opine that the governments
should help their citizens by paying their bills.
The governments
should intoduce
a plan through which all retired Correct your spelling
introduce
people
get sufficient amounts of money
in their bank accounts every month. The amount of such
monthly payments should be based on the tax contributions they have made during their entire life. One such
example is CPP
tax deduction in Canada. Correct article usage
the CPP
This
and the other taxes
that workers pay the government from their earnings,
are considered towards their pensions. Remove the comma
apply
Moreover
, the retired group of people
often fall a
sick and face circumstances under which they often fail to secure themselves financially because of the increased inflation. Correct article usage
apply
Threfore
, I think that government should look after their citizens by paying them monthly pensions.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
Therefore
although
the cost of taking care of the retired group seems not feasible for the government, I think that those who have paid much taxes
while
working,
should be given monthly instalments of Remove the comma
apply
money
back. Considering the rising of
prices for everything, the aged ones cannot afford to look after themselves.Change preposition
apply
Submitted by gauravkalathiya123 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response. However, to enhance Task Achievement, ensure you discuss both views more evenly before stating your own opinion. Expand on the opposition view with equal depth as your own to fully address the prompt.
Task Achievement
Include a wider range of specific examples and detailed explanations for both viewpoints. This will not only strengthen your argument but also show a deep understanding of the topic, improving Task Achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve your essay's Coherence and Cohesion, focus on structuring your paragraphs more clearly. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence, followed by support and examples. Use transition words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and aim for a variety of sentence structures to enhance the overall readability of your essay, contributing to both Coherence & Cohesion and Lexical Resource scores.