IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people say it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #children #language #school
In the modern era, many
people
 believe that studying a foreign
language
 at primary
school
 has many benefits because it has been shown to improve
children
's
language
 skills. Some
people
 think it has had mixed results after early
education
, so
it is clear that
people
 may have diverse ideas about
this
 issue. Weighing up both sides, I believe that there are more upsides that early
education
 about foreign
languages
 would bring about. There are surely a few demerits of
children
 learning a second foreign
language
 that affect their
education
. The most remarkable one is that they can be confused with their mother tongue because they can not distinguish diverse
languages
.
As a result
, many experts said, when compared to kids who learn two
languages
 and solely one
language
,
children
 who learn two
languages
 can not speak well in any of the two
languages
. In spite of the above-mentioned consequences, some
people
 assert that there is a huge gap of positivity on
this
 matter. The biggest strength is that
children
 can learn foreign
languages
 naturally. All youngsters follow their friends, teachers, and parents
due to
 the fact that they can acquire several
languages
 easily.
Also
, closer examination would reveal that whenever
children
 study some
language
 at primary
school
, they can
also
 share their learned experience at secondary
school
 and they can make friends even with foreign students. In a nutshell,
it is clear that
 there are many advantages to learning a secondary foreign
language
 at primary
school
.
In contrast
, there are
also
 significant disadvantages because it is apparent that early childhood foreign
language
education
 needs to consider many factors before it decides whether learning a foreign
language
 early would have negative effects on
education
. I strongly believe that there are more benefits than drawbacks.
Submitted by wowoo04066 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Consider adding specific examples or case studies to better support your main points. This could involve mentioning research studies or providing anecdotes from personal or observed experiences that align with your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on ensuring a clearer division and transition between paragraphs. The use of more explicit transition phrases can guide the reader through your essay more smoothly. For example, phrases like 'On the one hand...,' 'On the other hand...,' or 'Furthermore...' can be very effective.
Overall Improvement
When introducing your essay, aim for a more precise and engaging thesis statement that clearly outlines your stance on the topic. This helps set expectations for the reader and makes your argument more compelling from the start.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Pronunciation
  • Fluency
  • Brain plasticity
  • Cultural awareness
  • Globalized world
  • Proficiency
  • Educational opportunities
  • Motivation
  • Resource constraints
  • Specialized teachers
  • Academic pressure
  • Parental involvement
  • Curriculum balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: