Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time

Many people think relatives are supposed to incentivize their kids into participating in

group

activities,

while

others support letting the younger ones figure

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

out what to do with their free time on their own.

This

essay discusses both sides of

this

argument and explains why I believe being in a

group

is better. Some believe parents should support their

children

into being part

Change preposition

show examples

a team in their free time. The first benefit is that by participating in

group

activities, kids can develop their social skills more easily, by learning how to work in a

group

For instance

, after my niece started going to volleyball classes, she became more open to teamwork at school. Another reason is that communication skills are

also

improved.

This

results from having to express their thoughts more clearly and learning how to actively

listen

Add the preposition

listen to

show examples

others' opinions.

However

, others feel that

children

are supposed to learn what to do to occupy themselves when they are alone. The most significant reason is that it is important to let them develop their independence.

This

is because it will give them the opportunity to think for themselves.

In particular

, independent

children

learn how to problem-solve more easily.

Moreover

, it allows them to discover more about themselves.

This

due to

having to think more deeply about their preferences and dislikes. In conclusion, I believe both sides of the argument have merits.

However

overall

, I think the advantages of learning how to

teamwork

Correct your spelling

work

show examples

and the communication skills improvement outweigh the disadvantages of sometimes not knowing how to solve a problem on their own or lacking personal knowledge.

Furthermore

, in my opinion, personal knowledge can be enhanced with help from their parents, by them

estimulating

Correct your spelling

stimulating

estimating

their

children

's thought

process

Fix the agreement mistake

processes

show examples

regarding their feelings and opinions.

Submitted by amandacflago23 on Sat Mar 23 2024

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Introduction & Conclusion

Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion are present in your essay. The introduction should briefly introduce the topic and state your opinion, while the conclusion should summarize the discussed points and reiterate your stance. Your essay does this well, but refining your introduction and conclusion to more succinctly encapsulate your arguments may enhance clarity.

Logical Structure

Organize your essay logically by grouping related ideas and arguments together. Use transitional phrases to help the reader follow your argument. Your essay demonstrates a logical flow, but employing a wider variety of transitional phrases could help improve the cohesion between ideas further.

Supported Main Points

Support your main points with clear examples or explanations. While your essay includes some examples, more detailed and specific instances could strengthen your arguments. Consider incorporating unique personal experiences or more specific scenarios to support your claims.

Complete Response

Address the task fully by covering all parts of the prompt. Make sure to discuss both views and offer your own opinion in a balanced way. You've managed to touch on both perspectives and your own, but providing a more balanced discussion could improve your score. Consider dedicating equal attention to both sides of the argument before asserting your opinion.

Clear & Comprehensive Ideas

Ensure your ideas are clear and comprehensive throughout the essay. Each paragraph should convey one main idea, followed by explanations or examples. Your essay presents clear ideas, but striving for more depth in the explanation of your reasons and examples could make your arguments more compelling.

Relevant & Specific Examples

Use relevant and specific examples to support your points. Your essay contains examples that contribute to your argument, but incorporating more varied and detailed examples could showcase your understanding of the topic better.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

294 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

encourage
occupied
organized
group activities
benefits
social
teamwork skills
interpersonal skills
friendship
discipline
time management
interests
hobbies
independent play
creativity
problem-solving skills
self-reliance
explore
discover

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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

You are working for a company. You need to take some time off work and want to ask your manager about this. Questions: 1.Explain why you want to take time off work 2.Give details of the amount of time you need 3.Suggest how your work could be covered while you are away

more and more people in their free time are doing dangerous activities such as mounting climbing. What might be the reason for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

Young people are often influenced in their behaviours and situations by others in the same age. This is called “peer pressure”. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?

In many countries, people can eat a wide variety of food from other countries. As a result, they eat more food from other cultures rather than cuisine. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.