Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theatre and less time on sport. How far do you agree with this statement?
Nowadays, there is a debate about how young people should allocate their time between cultural
activities
such
as music and theatre, and sports
. While
some argue in favour of prioritizing cultural pursuits, others advocate for spending more time on sports
. In my opinion, both cultural and sports
activities
offer valuable benefits for young people, and they should be encouraged to engage in both.
Firstly
, participating in cultural activities
like learning traditional music and attending local theatre performances can provide numerous advantages for young individuals. These activities
help them connect with their cultural heritage, learn about their history, and develop a sense of identity. For example
, in Indonesia, Balinese teenagers dedicate their weekends to learning traditional music and dancing, which not only enriches their understanding of their culture but also
fosters a sense of pride and belonging.
On the other hand
, spending time on sports
activities
has its own merits, particularly for teenagers who possess abundant energy and vitality. Engaging in sports
not only promotes physical fitness but also
instills
valuable life skills Change the spelling
instils
such
as teamwork, discipline, and perseverance. Moreover
, sports
serve as a constructive outlet for channeling
excess energy and reducing the likelihood of engaging in negative Change the spelling
channelling
behaviors
like street crimes and substance abuse. Change the spelling
behaviours
For instance
, many young males participate in activities
like futsal and football, which not only keep them physically active but also
offer the possibility of pursuing a career in athletics.
In conclusion, rather than advocating for an exclusive focus on either cultural or sports
activities
, it is important to recognize the benefits of both. Encouraging young people to engage in a diverse range of pursuits can contribute to their holistic development, fostering cultural awareness, physical well-being, and positive social behavior
. By striking a balance between cultural enrichment and physical activity, we can empower young individuals to lead fulfilling and productive lives.Change the spelling
behaviour
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
To excel in task achievement, try to provide a balanced argument that addresses the prompt directly. While your essay does give insights into both perspectives, clarifying your position throughout the essay could enhance the response. Ensure that each paragraph contributes clearly to your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea and that this idea is directly related to your overall argument. This will improve the coherence of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Linking words and phrases (e.g., 'Firstly', 'On the other hand', 'In conclusion') are used effectively, but varying your sentence structures more could make your writing even smoother. Try incorporating more complex and compound sentences.