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Band 6.5

Some people say the professional workers such as, doctors, nurses and teachers, who make greater contribution to the society, should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. To what extent do you agree and disagree?.

#people #workers #doctors #nurses #teachers #contribution #society #field #sports #entertainment
The debate over whether
professionals
such
 as doctors, nurses, and teachers should be paid more than individuals in sports and
entertainment
 is complex and multifaceted. Here's an analysis of both perspectives
Professionals
 in fields like healthcare and
education
 directly contribute to the well-being and development of
society
. Doctors save lives, nurses provide essential care, and teachers educate and shape
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future generations. Their contributions are fundamental to the functioning and progress of
society
. The expertise and skills required in professions like medicine and
education
 often entail years of rigorous training,
education
, and ongoing professional development. These professions require specialized knowledge,
experience
Correct word choice
and experience
show examples
, and often involve significant responsibility, justifying higher compensation.
Society
 has a vested interest in ensuring that crucial sectors like healthcare and
education
 attract and retain the best talent. Offering higher
salaries
 can incentivize individuals to pursue careers in these fields, ultimately benefiting
society
 as a whole.
On the other hand
,
Salaries
 in sports and
entertainment
 are often determined by market demand. Athletes and entertainers may generate significant revenue through ticket sales, endorsements, and media deals. Their
salaries
 reflect the
value
 they bring to their respective industries, which may be substantial.
Entertainment
Value
:
While
 doctors, nurses, and teachers undoubtedly make important contributions to
society
, athletes and entertainers
also
 provide
value
 by entertaining and inspiring millions of people worldwide. Their performances bring joy, inspiration, and cultural enrichment to
society
, which shouldn't be undervalued.The supply of
professionals
 in fields like medicine and
education
 often exceeds demand, leading to lower wages.
In contrast
, the supply of elite athletes and entertainers may be limited, leading to higher
salaries
due to
 competition among teams, franchises, or
entertainment
 companies. In conclusion,
while
 there are valid arguments for both sides, it's essential to recognize the critical roles played by
professionals
 in healthcare and
education
,
as well as
 the
value
 brought by individuals in sports and
entertainment
. Ultimately, salary structures should aim to reflect the contributions, skills, and market dynamics of each profession, ensuring fairness and sustainability.
Submitted by harshitkaur321 on

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Task Achievement
While your essay presents a well-structured argument, try to provide more specific examples to further support your claims. For instance, you could mention educational or medical breakthroughs as examples of the societal benefits brought by professionals in those fields.
Task Achievement
Consider introducing a clearer thesis statement at the end of your introduction. This could help make your stance on the issue more explicit and guide your argument throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs and within them. This would improve connectivity and the reader's ability to follow your argument easily.
Coherence and Cohesion
For an even stronger essay, ensure that your conclusion summarizes both viewpoints before stating your position. This would highlight the complexity of the issue and your understanding of it, which is crucial for a balanced argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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