An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development

#people #surgery #appearance #operations #change #development

this

modern era, society normally

spend

Change the verb form

spends

show examples

their time watching TV and other entertainment shows. On the TV we often see plenty of public figures with high-level beauty appearances.

This

leads to the audience expect the same face or torso figures as their idol.

As a result

, plastic

surgery

has become a trend in society.

This

essay will clarify why

this

phenomenon is a negative situation.

To begin

with, cosmetic

surgery

is taken to enhance the beauty of the body.

However

, “beauty itself” is made up by society and they set up some unrealistic standards of body types. In some societies, women are considered appealing if they have full lips or sharp noses.

Consequently

, people lose confidence in themselves and are pursuing to fit the beauty standard.

This

sort of mindset is disadvantageous because people gradually lose their self-esteem and satisfaction. In many cases, people tend to do multiple surgeries after one another which often

shape

Correct subject-verb agreement

shapes

show examples

their bodies to appear disfigured, which causes them to even destroy their goal,

instead

of actualising it.

Furthermore

, several

surgery

methods are followed by subsequent potential health issues.

For instance

, some folk opt for silicone gel to augment their breast size. Little do they know that they would be haunted by the probability of nerve damage or breast cancer.

Additionally

, it is

also

often the case, that some societies from lower economic conditions attempt to undergo a

surgery

procedure with an economical price

that is

often done by incompetent workers and often causes the patient to suffer from its failure. In conclusion, I determine

this

trend as an unfavourable issue which can disadvantage individuals mentally and physically.

Submitted by syarahfatiha321 on Sun Mar 24 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

To improve the task achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Expand on why more people are choosing cosmetic surgery, providing a wider range of reasons. Also, clarify your position regarding whether this trend is positive or negative by providing more detailed explanations and examples.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure but enhancing the flow between ideas could make your argument stronger. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will also help in making your points clearer and more cohesive.

coherence cohesion

Work on supporting your main points with more specific examples and evidence. While you mention potential health risks and societal pressures, providing real-life examples or statistical evidence could strengthen your argument and make your essay more compelling.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your essays?

Submit an unlimited number of essays. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

273 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

Unlock the Full Potential of Writing9

Unlimited Essay Checks: Practice and perfect your skills.
Detailed Error Analysis: Spot every mistake.
In-Built Grammar Checker: Say no to grammatical errors.
Personalized Suggestions: Know how to boost your score.
Progress Tracking: View your checked essay history.
Still thinking? We have a 14-day money-back guarantee. Take a leap of faith!

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the contemporary era, lump sums have been invested in developing in oil industry. Many argue that, the oil resources are limited and humanity have to find another sources of energy. Nowadays, it has been becoming more popular to develop alternative types of energy and it only may bring benefits from my perspective.
6.5
band
Friendships that take place online are not as meaningful as those where people meet each other face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
With the increasing rate of using virtual applications, making online friends is dramatically increasing day by day. Although making friends through social media is becoming fantastically common these days, it could not be that touchable in comparison with friendship that is in the real world. In this essay, we will specifically scrutinise the pivotal benefits of face-to-face relationships such as having the opportunity to go out together and the synergic effect of close relationships rather than finding friends on the internet which could not be that satisfying.
4
band
nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. however, some people think that these activities are not good for a child's mental health. to what extend do you agree or disagree?
recent studies claim that children spend too much time on screens like TV and video games. while some believe that watching TV and playing video games can be excellent sources of education and entertainment, others are confident that much screen time can have a negative side effect on mental child condition. personally, I support those who believe that it is wise to monitor and limit screen time spent by young children.
4
band
Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this good way to rise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older?
Raising children in the modern society is a difficult job owing to the internet and their surrounding.While some parents choose to control their children, others prefer to purchase everything they desire without questioning the effect of this approach on the child.In this essay I am going to discuss the consequences and the effectiveness of this choice.
6
band
The prison system has not been effective at reforming criminals. A large number of convicted felons return to committing crimes soon after being released. What are the problems with the prison system and what solution can you recommend to address this issue?
In recent years,the prison system has not been helpful in changing criminal attitude of sinners as a result of which most of them return to jail by committing further crimes. This essay addresses the problems of the current jail system and the solutions to rectify it.

An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Friendships that take place online are not as meaningful as those where people meet each other face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. however, some people think that these activities are not good for a child's mental health. to what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this good way to rise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older?

The prison system has not been effective at reforming criminals. A large number of convicted felons return to committing crimes soon after being released. What are the problems with the prison system and what solution can you recommend to address this issue?