Most people believe that social media such as facebook and instagram negatively impact on society and individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #media #facebook #instagram #impact #society #individuals

In contemporary times, one school of thought holds that social media

such

as Facebook or Instagram could harm individuals and the entire community.

While

I accept that perception is somewhat justified, I believe that there are other factors that people need to take into account. On the one hand, it is understandable why using social media platforms might result in serious consequences. First and foremost, it could negatively affect people's awareness. In fact, it is easy to access and absorb violent and cruel content

that is

prevalent on the Internet without any supervision or limitation.

As a result

, the young, especially teenagers, would be encouraged to imitate bad behaviours,

such

as bullying, cheating, or racism.

Furthermore

, online applications could cause some health problems.

For example

, toxic and biased comments could work users up and trigger their mental issues,

such

as depression or anxiety, in the long run.

On the other hand

, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that online community platforms might bring some profound benefits. One rationale is that it could strengthen people's ties. To be more specific, by using smartphones or laptops, citizens could easily interact with their relatives or friends via Twitter or Instagram, regardless of distance, thereby maintaining and enhancing the relationships among them. Another justification is that these online communities might play a vital role in education.

This

is because they could not only gain more useful information and new lessons but

also

share the experiences involved in their occupations, which could improve others' competencies

as well as

help them have decent jobs. In conclusion,

while

it is irrefutable that social media could have great disadvantages, I would contend that the merits of these platforms could outweigh their demerits.

Submitted by khoihoangtrong96 on Sun Mar 24 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure a balance between the introduction of new ideas and providing specific examples that clearly back these ideas. While your essay presents clear and comprehensive thoughts, adding more concrete examples or elaborating on the specific effects of social media would enrich your argument and provide a stronger base for your claims.

Coherence and Cohesion

Maintain a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout your essay. You've done a good job at structuring your essay and connecting paragraphs, but ensuring that each paragraph intricately contributes to your overall argument with transitional phrases could enhance readability and coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

291 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

detrimental
dysfunctional
impede
adverse
compulsive
obsessive
inherently
undermine
vulnerable
censorship
exploitation
vicious cycle
isolation
fraudulent
dissemination
manipulation
creativity
engagement
tolerance

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Most people believe that social media such as facebook and instagram negatively impact on society and individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying.

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Fossil fuel is the main source of energy. In some countries, the use of alternative sources of energy is encouraged. To what extent do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case ? Do you think this a positive or negative situation ?