The precentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

In the
last
ten years, the proportion of
children
with excessive weight has become one of the most concerning issues in Western society and increased by about 20%. The reason behind
this
problem is unhealthy food and a sedentary lifestyle.
As a result
, there are several side effects of being overweight,
such
as physical and mental health problems. There are certain reasons why populations of the western countries, especially low age groups, have gained a great number of weights for the
last
10 years. One main factor is cheap processed
meals
and junky food which
children
can easily afford to buy without preparing themselves.
Moreover
, these unhealthy
meals
mostly taste different than regular home
meals
, and they
also
have special advertisement methods to draw juveniles’ attention. The second point is the sedentary life of many
children
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
they are likely to spend most of their time
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing online games or watching TV. They had had active lifestyles before these technological devices gained popularity among young individuals.
For instance
, most
children
often preferred to play outside with their friends in fresh air in the past. Overweight might adversely influence the society of Western countries in a number of ways. One of them is physical problems which are related to excessive kilograms gained by
children
. Mass fatness can make juveniles’ life more challenging because it leads to respiratory issues, difficulties in movement and heart diseases.
Secondly
,
children
can face bullying and discrimination at school because of their appearance.
Therefore
,
this
has a negative impact on their mental health and studies. In conclusion,
meals
with extra food chemicals and staying behind screen all day are the major causes underlying the issue which will result in health problems among young individuals.
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Task Response
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Coherence & Cohesion
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Development
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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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