Competition for university study is becoming increasingly strong. Why are universities becoming more competitive? Is this a positive or negative development?
It can be seen that
competition
in universities is increasingly fierce. Personally, I believe that fierce competition
in the job
market is responsible for this
situation, and this
is a scary trend because it is detrimental to the physical health of college students.
First of all, due to
fierce competition
in the workplace, if fresh graduates want to get a lucrative job
, they must score higher than their peers to prove they are capable and enthusiastic. higher. Therefore
, young learners need to compete with their classmates to stand out, which contributes to increased competitiveness in educational institutions. For example
, in China, most employers say they prefer to make job
offers to candidates with extremely excellent academic performance in the classroom, which forces young people to excel in order to achieve the best results and compete with your
peers in educational institutions.
Correct pronoun usage
their
Furthermore
, increasing competition
creates a harsh learning atmosphere for students, negatively affecting their physical health. This
is because people who want to graduate with a good degree and get a worthy and well-paid job
have to burn the midnight oil and wake up early to study, thereby harming their physical health. For example
, the vast majority of students at Beijing University say that as their university environment becomes increasingly competitive, their classmates often invest a lot of their free time to
research, which forces them to follow Change preposition
in
this
trend. Because studying takes up all their time playing sports and sleeping, they have digestive problems.
In conclusion, although
people may have different views on why competition
in universities is increasingly fierce and whether it is a prosperous or disgraceful trend, I still think it is difficult to find getting
a Verb problem
apply
job
is the reason, and this
situation is a negative development because it brings physical problems to the college student.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
You have managed to answer both parts of the question, which is very good. However, your response could be improved by offering a more balanced view, considering both the positive and negative aspects of university competition. While it's fine to have a strong opinion, IELTS essays often benefit from showing that you can consider issues from multiple perspectives.
Task Achievement
Try to develop a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses both parts of the prompt. This will help you to maintain a stronger focus throughout your essay. Additionally, remember to directly link your examples and arguments back to your thesis for a stronger, more cohesive argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay would benefit from more varied sentence structures and transition phrases to improve flow. While you have a logical structure, smoother transitions between paragraphs and sentences will enhance the readability and coherence of your essay. Consider using phrases like "moreover," "on the other hand," and "consequently" to better connect your ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, it's also important to ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Your paragraphs do seem to follow this rule, but make sure each topic sentence clearly states the main idea of the paragraph and that all following sentences relate directly to it.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite