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Band 7

Nowadays people buy a lot of unnecessary manufactured products. What are the effects of this on individuals and society? Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #products #effects #individuals #society #development
In
this
 day and age,
individuals
 purchase numerous manufactured items that are not essential. It is from the writer’s point of view that
this
 trend has a huge negative impact on
people
 and society
such
 as wasting of money and environmental pollution. In light of
this
, I contend
this
 tendency is a negative development which has adverse effects on natural
resources
. A salient point that needs to be considered is that buying lots of manufactured
products
 costs
individuals
 a great amount of money.
Due to
 the fact that
people
 tend to purchase unessential
products
 in order to mimic celebrities or chase the latest trends which are popular on social media.
This
, in turn, may lead to overspending and
people
 buy numerous manufactured goods without thinking about the necessity or the item’s value in practice.
As a consequence
,
individuals
 can easily get into debt or lose the ability to manage money logically. Another consideration is that over-consuming manufactured
products
 means that the disposal of exhaust fumes and chemical drugs which is related to the manufacturing process will be released into the environment.
This
 is because most
of
Change preposition
apply
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industries prioritize waste treatment costs over the negative effects of their disposal.
As a result
, a large amount of harmful substances is being released into the environment which definitely causes environmental pollution
as well as
 influences
people
’s health.
Nevertheless
,
this
 tendency could have a negative consequence in terms of the natural
resources
.
In other words
, the materials in the manufacturing process mostly come from nature and over-consuming manufactured
products
 means that natural
resources
 will be used uncontrollably.
This
 can lead to deforestation, habitat destruction and biodiversity loss.
Thus
, it can be seen that
people
 purchasing numerous manufactured items brings lots of adverse effects on
individuals
as well as
 society.
Consequently
,
this
 has a negative influence on natural
resources
.
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task achievement
Ensure your essay directly addresses all parts of the task. Your introduction briefly mentions the topics, but make sure your conclusion clearly summarises your view and the reasons for it, directly referencing the question's components.
task achievement
Develop your argument with more specific examples. You've mentioned the general consequences of over-consumerism, but incorporating detailed examples or case studies could strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the flow between paragraphs by using a wider range of cohesive devices. While your essay is well-structured, diversifying your transitions and connectors could enhance readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support this central point. This strengthens the coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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