Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearence. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearence

Many

people

believe that being successful in life comes from devotion and being hard,

while

other

people

argue that there are more significant reasons

such

as external looking and

money

This

writer believes that hard

work

and

determination

are the most essential factors for

this

statement. There are many beliefs about success from

determination

and hard

work

. It is true that with

determination

, many students can identify their goals or task achievements that inspire them.

However

, it is not enough to be successful, devotion just helps you target your goal but does not help you in making it come true. With the help of hard

work

, those targets can be achieved. The personality provides a power that makes

people

not stop thinking about the goal and find a way to solve it.

Moreover

, hard

work

makes anyone keep going on and makes that person

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

fall down. Take the example of Ho Chi Minh, the first Resident of Vietnam, with the hope of making his country independent, he travelled through many other countries to find a solution and

then

came back to Vietnam to make it free.

Nevertheless

, there are considerations about the factors that influence success like

money

and appearance. Many

people

have their own idea to be developed to make the world better but they do not have enough capital to do it. It is well-known that everything can mostly be brought by

money

also

the outlooking. Your appearance will make someone impress you and

that is

the opportunity to be successful.

For instance

, when there are two interviewers with the same ability, the one who is good-looking is more likely to be chosen than the other. In my opinion,

money

is not the first concern to be successful, but

determination

. If you are

devoting

Wrong verb form

devoted

show examples

to something, you will not lose it in any situation, it will be around in your head and with the support from hard

work

anything can become true. In conclusion, both statements have good sides that really affect success in life but

this

writer believes it is more important to focus on

determination

and hard

work

Mon Mar 25 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure your essay has a clear and logical structure. This means having a coherent introduction, body paragraphs that each focus on a single idea, and a conclusion that summarizes your arguments and restates your opinion.

coherence cohesion

Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately. This includes linking words or phrases like 'furthermore,' 'on the other hand,' and 'in conclusion' to help guide the reader through your essay and make your ideas more connected.

task achievement

Respond completely to all parts of the task. Make sure you discuss both views mentioned in the prompt thoroughly and provide a clear opinion on the issue.

task achievement

Present clear, comprehensive ideas. This involves developing your arguments thoroughly, providing sufficient details, and ensuring that your essay has depth and insight.

task achievement

Include relevant, specific examples to support your points. This strengthens your arguments and makes your essay more convincing. Examples can be from your own experience, historical events, or hypothetical scenarios that illustrate your point effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

353 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearence. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many cities are now turning parks and farmland into new housing developments. Is this a positive or negative development?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sports or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.