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Band 7

In country where there is a high unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hop of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#country #unemployment #pupils #education #point #hop #job
The high unemployment rate is a problem currently being faced by a lot of countries. Others suggest that students should only have primary
education
 because getting a secondary one would only be a waste if work opportunities are low.
However
, I disagree with limiting
education
 until elementary school because of the low employment rate knowing that secondary and offers knowledge in improving skills needed in the professional world. Primary
education
 offers foundational knowledge but it is never enough. Learning basic math and language will surely help you find a living but employers actually require more complex abilities that can be acquired during your secondary years.
For instance
, reading and writing are the most basic things you could learn and use but in high school, you are taught to utilize and broaden
this
 skill through application and understanding which will come in handy when it comes to working.
In addition
, a higher rate of people who finished higher
education
 would soon attract employers and investors,not just locally but internationally, which in turn would create better job opportunities and higher employment rates. Obtaining advanced
education
 should not be seen as a waste of resources but rather a way to improve and solve current problems pertaining to employment. People should be given a chance to improve and
education
 is one way of doing it. Stopping someone to learn a higher level of learning just because the job offers are less would only create more problems than solutions. I believe that people should still grab the opportunity to obtain a secondary
education
 to have higher odds of landing a job.
Submitted by decxelnarjoyragas on

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task achievement
Make sure to fully address the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument, even if you strongly lean towards one. While you have expressed disagreement well, acknowledging the opposing viewpoint briefly can strengthen your argument.
coherence & cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures more to improve the flow of ideas. While the essay has a good structure, integrating complex sentences and a variety of connectors could enhance readability and coherence.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or data to support your points. While you've provided general ideas, incorporating real-world examples or hypothetical scenarios could make your arguments more compelling.
coherence & cohesion
Focus on creating clear and more distinct paragraphs, each dealing with a single idea or aspect of the topic. This will enhance the essay's organizational quality and make your argumentation more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • controversial
  • critical thinking skills
  • technical expertise
  • entrepreneurship
  • self-employment
  • economic diversification
  • innovation
  • vocational training
  • academic education
  • employment landscape
  • blanket approach
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