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Band 6.5

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance
The notion of
success
 in life is often perceived through different lenses, with contrasting views regarding its primary determinants. On one hand, there's a prevailing belief that
success
 is predominantly achieved through hard
work
 and
determination
. Proponents of
this
 viewpoint argue that individuals who exhibit unwavering commitment and resilience are more likely to overcome obstacles and achieve their goals. They emphasize the importance of diligence, perseverance, and self-discipline in navigating life's challenges and realizing one's aspirations.
Conversely
, another perspective posits that factors
such
 as financial resources and physical appearance hold greater sway in determining
success
. Advocates of
this
 stance argue that individuals born into wealth or possessing attractive attributes often have a significant advantage in various domains, including education, career opportunities, and social status. They contend that access to resources and societal perceptions of attractiveness can disproportionately influence an individual's trajectory, overshadowing the significance of hard
work
 and
determination
. In my view,
while
 both perspectives offer valuable insights, neither paints a complete picture of
success
. Hard
work
 and
determination
 undoubtedly play a crucial role in achieving goals and overcoming obstacles.
However
, it would be naive to discount the influence of external factors like financial resources and appearance, which can shape opportunities and outcomes in profound ways.
While
 hard
work
 can mitigate some disadvantages, systemic inequalities rooted in socioeconomic disparities and societal biases can pose formidable barriers to
success
 for many individuals. Ultimately, I believe
success
 is a multifaceted concept that encompasses a combination of personal effort,
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 circumstances, and systemic support.
While
 hard
work
 and
determination
 are essential ingredients, addressing broader societal issues
such
 as income inequality and discrimination is equally crucial in fostering a more equitable environment where everyone has a fair chance to succeed.

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Task Achievement
To elevate the task achievement score further, incorporate more specific examples to substantiate your arguments. While the essay presents a nuanced discussion, integrating real-world examples or studies could enhance the credibility and depth of your analysis.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, with a well-organized structure and clear progression of ideas. To refine further, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs by using a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will enhance the flow of your essay and reinforce the connections between your main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
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