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Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, whilw others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #whilw #factors #money #appearance
Whether
success
 comes from determination or other
factors
such
 as financial
factors
 or how
people
 look has been a discussion point.
This
 writer argues that it is hard work that contributes to
success
 , not other
factors
. It must be understood that it is not easy to succeed. It is a long process with many hardships and failures. Without determination,
people
 can not be able to reach their goals and succeed in their lives. take Thomas Edition as an example, he had failed his experiment over two thousand times before he could invent the light bulb, bringing humanity to the era of electrical light.
However
, some
people
 think that
factors
such
 as money and appearance are the keys to
success
. it is because in some jobs
such
 as singers and models, a good appearance is an essential factor to
success
.
This
 may be true, but without determination, they will easily give up their job and will not be able to succeed in their profession.
For instance
, many singers give up their jobs because they cannot handle the stress and pressure because they are not hard-working enough to get over it. It is the writer's opinion that
people
 should be more determined in other to succeed in their lives. When
people
 are more hard-working, they will be more patient to reach their goals and will be more will not be affected by failures and be more optimistic.
For example
, students will not feel sad or depressed when they get a low score and will take that as a lesson to revise their notes more carefully next time. In conclusion, hard work is the key to
success
. It helps
people
 have a more positive attitude to failures and hardships, and
as a result
, they will try better next time.

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task achievement
Expand on how financial factors and appearance also contribute to success, providing more balanced examples and analysis.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the variety and accuracy of your linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread your text to correct grammatical errors and typographical mistakes for clearer expression.
overall language use
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to precisely express your ideas and opinions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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