Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance

It is a common belief that the full of

money

and the beautiful

appearance

are the main

factors

that lead to

success

However

, there is a more persuasive argument that it comes from devotion and courage because doing so can help

people

acquire more knowledge to gain accomplishment.The following essay will discuss both views in

details

Fix the agreement mistake

detail

show examples

. On the one hand, cannot be denied that

appearance

and

money

play an essential role in making a deep impression on other

people

however

spending more time on them can be an obstacle to

people

missing the chance. If

people

, fortunately, inherited more

money

from family , they could not have the plan to use them and could destroy all of their fortunes. Not only that, but

appearance

can

also

make more counterparts remember beauty

instead

of talents. One important thing is that investing in

appearance

can consume more

money

than knowledge

due to

nobody

also

has the natural beauty they want.

Therefore

, these may be hindrances to

people

from achievement.

Nevertheless

, concentrating on talents and dedication can be the key

factors

that bring them to

success

. Only the hard-working or determined cannot gain the

success

they want.

However

, when combined together

people

can get surprising results.

For example

, almost the geniuses in the world, just have 1% of intelligence and 99% of devotion.

Therefore

, if they have more determination, they can easily gain the highest point as soon as possible.

To sum up

while

it is apparent that good

appearance

and

money

may be not an essential role which leads

people

success

. It is undeniable that human

factors

like devotion and effort must be played a vital role.

Therefore

people

need to take more time on their talents

instead

of other

factors

Submitted by khoi11nk11e on Tue Mar 26 2024

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Task Achievement

Your essay presents a fairly balanced discussion of both viewpoints, but can improve on clarity and specificity. When presenting arguments, try to be more concise and directly address the essay prompt. Ensure that your introduction succinctly outlines your key points and your stance on the topic.

Coherence and Cohesion

Aim for a clearer logical structure in your essay. Use transitional phrases to more effectively connect ideas and paragraphs, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument. Organize your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that each discuss a single main point, and a concise conclusion that reflects on the discussion and restates your opinion.

Task Achievement

To strengthen your arguments, include more specific examples. These examples can be from history, literature, or your own experiences. They give your arguments weight and make them more relatable for the reader. Ensure that your examples directly support the point you’re making in each paragraph.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

289 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

perseverance
discipline
resilience
effort
tenacity
external factors
financial resources
favorable appearance
perceptions
advantages
intrinsic
extrinsic
sustainable
facilitating
undeniable

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Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many places, people’s lifestyle is changing rapidly and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Many people are optimistic about the 21st century and expect scientists to make positive changes to the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with their optimism? What changes do you like to see in your new century?

Many people prefer to watch foreigh films rather than locally produced films, why could this be , should governments give more financial supports to local film industries.

Rich countries should allow jobs for skilled and knowledgeable employees who are from poor countries. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.