Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think hot there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
The public argues that becoming successful mainly comes from
people
's effort and resoluteness, while
others say that some elements such
as finance and appearance
also
affect the route to success
. In my opinion, I believe that endless effort and the strength of will are the keys to success
.
On the one hand, our personal traits play a crucial role in achieving success
. This
is important to understand that a mindset of relentless learning and constantly seeking opportunities can help people
develop their personal skills and experiences. A good example of this
is Jackma
who from a poor guy to Asia's richest person in 2014. Despite his already impressive accomplishments, he continued with persistence and determination to overcome difficulties on the way to his dream.
Correct your spelling
Jackman
On the other hand
, having enough financial resources and a fabulous appearance
also
can expand one's path. Having financial potential helps people
attend the most professional education. For instance
, some top and extravagant universities like Harvard or Cambridge provide students with academic knowledge
which helps them expand their knowledge
and gain expert qualifications. Moreover
, having a good outlook can attract employers which proves that 36 per cent more often attractive people
would be called for an interview.
I believe that finances and appearance
may be an insufficient features
to achieve true Correct the article-noun agreement
an insufficient feature
insufficient features
success
. If that person does not have satisfaction and motivation to work, they will have difficulty pursuing the path of success
. However
, having determination and knowledge
can easily help people
being promoted and gain respect. Hence
knowledge
and ceaseless effort are the most crucial elements to move up our career ladder.
In conclusion, success
depends on both financial status or appearance
and hard work. I believe that motivation and discipline are the most vital keys to our own prosperity.Submitted by zky1705202 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay presented a clear and logical structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph effectively addresses a specific aspect of the topic, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. To further enhance your essay, consider varying your sentence structure and transition phrases to avoid repetition and to create a smoother flow of ideas.
task achievement
You addressed the task by discussing both views and giving your opinion clearly. To improve your score, ensure that your ideas are fully developed and supported by more detailed examples or evidence. Incorporate more specific cases or statistics to strengthen your arguments. Work on maintaining a balance in discussing both sides of the argument, ensuring that each viewpoint is equally explored before presenting your opinion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.