some people think that success in life comes form hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays,
success
has become a broad issue. Many individuals consider that success
is
Correct your spelling
in
life
comes from working hard and effort while
others think that poverty and appearance
are more important factors. This
writer believes the idea that success
in life
comes from money
and appearance
.
Firstly
, it is widely acknowledged that money
and appearance
play a vital role in success
in life
. A very important contributor in life
. The first reason is that money
enables people
to reach their deep desires like power and frame. For example
, if people
have a great deal of wealth, they have countless opportunities to progress rapidly in their career
or be well-known in the community that they desire. Fix the agreement mistake
careers
Furthermore
, personal appearance
is one of the crucial factors impacting achievement. For instance
, it would be a good chance for candidates to seek a job if they indicate their confident body posture or wearing
clothing apart from great skills and experiences.
Wrong verb form
wear
Otherwise
, it is undeniable that hard work and power are necessary features which are pivotable to ensure victory in the field. Firstly
hard work helps people
gain some valuable experiences in different aspects of life
. To illustrate my point, if young
student practices several times, some kinds of assignments in college and at home, they are likely to minimize the risk of repeating the same mistakes so they have the tendency to get high scores in the formal exam. Add an article
the young
a young
Secondly
, determination gives us the motivation to set up goals which become the foundation of success
. As a result
, this
is an essential skill to help people
overcome complex problems in all situations and always keep moving forward to reach long-term goals.
In Conclusion, although
money
and personal appearance
have an influence on achievement, it seems to me that hard work and determination are dominant factors in achieving the highest achievement.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Response
Ensure your essay introduction clearly presents both views and your own opinion to give a concise roadmap of your discussion. This helps in guiding the reader through your essay more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop your paragraphs with clear main ideas followed by supporting details. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that clearly states the main point you will discuss.
Task Achievement
Use relevant examples to support your arguments. While you provided some, making them more specific and directly linked to the topic can strengthen your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on your essay's coherence by ensuring smooth and logical transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Using connecting words and phrases can help achieve this.
General Advice
Be cautious with spelling and grammar to maintain the professionalism and clarity of your essay. Regular practice and review of grammar rules can be beneficial.
Task Response
Engage with both views more evenly in your discussion. While you presented both sides, deepen your analysis of each viewpoint before stating your position.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?