Goverments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#goverments #money #railways #roads

In contemporary society, there is an ongoing debate regarding whether the regime should spend the amount of money on

railways

to increase plenty of public

transportation

in some areas,

while

others argue that spending on

roads

does not have many benefits. In

this

essay, I will explain both of my views on

this

kind of topic. Nowadays, proponents of adding many

railways

that it is necessary to widely expand movements by accommodating some of the money from the government. In some developed countries, trains and tramps have been the best public accommodation for ages because there are many good functions from that.

For example

, it has many benefits

such

as reducing gas emissions by decreasing car usage, the fastest most accessible, and cheapest. In terms of spending more expenses on

railways

that is

the best choice compared to

roads

whereas

some communities believe that there are some places in the village that do not have decent

transportation

which makes them isolated.

That is

why the authorities should be more serious about adding more

railways

because people from suburban cities can access the nearest station and move to another city to city.

On the other hand

, expanding more

roads

should have more areas which can affect some private landowners who can lead to protests.

Also

roads

ideally need billions of dollars which makes the government search for investors in order to minimise the funds. In

this

case, some rich communities can easily ride their private

transportation

which can increase other issues

such

as high traffic, air pollution, etc.

As a result

, some individuals are considering

this

problem can lead to many disadvantages in the long term. In my opinion, I agree that spending more dollars on

railways

has plenty of advantages. it is because these trains and tramps are attributed to the fastest and cheapest

transportation

Change preposition

show examples

society which can help some communities to avoid any

further

social distractions.

To conclude

, I believe that excessive expansion of

railways

can help humans to access more places in certain areas.

Also

, it proves that adding more trains and tramps can reduce some social troubles in the future

Submitted by wulandarianggieta on Tue Mar 26 2024

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Task Achievement

Focus on providing more specific examples to support your views. This will strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

Coherence & Cohesion

Ensure each paragraph contains a clear main idea and that all sentences within it support that idea. This helps in creating a more cohesive text.

Task Achievement

Try to maintain consistency in the development of your argument. This includes avoiding contradictory statements and ensuring that your conclusion aligns with the views presented.

Coherence & Cohesion

Enhance your use of linking words to better connect ideas and paragraphs. This will improve the flow of your essay and help readers follow your argument more easily.

Overall

Avoid repetition of words or phrases. Employ a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and engagingly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

354 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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