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Band 7

Studies have shown that most criminals have low levels of education. Because of this many believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate prisoners so they can get a job after being released. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#studies #criminals #levels #education #crime #prisoners #job
In recent years, some research has made it clear that the majority of criminal people have a limited
education
.
As a result
, it is believed that the most appropriate choice to minimize the number of crimes is to provide
education
 for prisoners, resulting in job opportunities in the future.
However
, in my opinion, it is not the best approach in terms of solution. On the one hand, those who support
education
 programs claim that it has several benefits.
Firstly
, it can enhance the employment level among convicts. To illustrate,
offering
Change preposition
by offering
show examples
 individuals vocational
education
, they have a chance to gain real experience and essential skills,
such
 as communication or business.
As a consequence
 of
this
 solution, criminals avoid turning to crime again and their choices can change positively, becoming productive members of society.
Also
, by educating offenders, countries'
overall
 economy is enhanced because of taxes.
Nevertheless
, I assert that it is not the best way to address a crime level,
instead
, it will result in life-threatening consequences for society's welfare and security. If people who break the laws are not punished severely, it is inevitable that they can re-offend, which puts humans in danger. Individuals who are on the street cannot feel safe.
Therefore
, punishments
instead
 of
education
 have the capacity to diminish the number of lawbreakers, deterring crimes. In conclusion,
although
 suggesting
education
 programs for prisoners have positive impacts on countries' revenue,
as well as
 the job sector, I think the best way to tackle
this
 problem is to implement punishments.
Submitted by Name_1234 on

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Task Achievement
Develop your argument with more specific examples and evidence. While you clearly express your stance and provide reasons, incorporating detailed examples from real-life situations or studies can greatly enrich your argument and make it more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure, but you can enhance coherence by improving transitions between ideas. Consider using a wider range of linking phrases to smoothly guide the reader from one point to the next, making your argument flow more naturally.
Task Achievement
It's important to examine both sides of an argument in depth to fully address the prompt. While you have presented a contrary opinion, further examination of this perspective before stating your conclusion could provide a more balanced view and strengthen your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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