Some people believe that it is important for parents to force their children to success while others believe that cooperation is more important. Do you agree with this?

#people #parents #force #children #success #cooperation

Some argue that kids are being forced by their mom and dad to succeed,

while

others

think that they should be taught the importance of being cooperative

instead

Although

imposing the importance of success on children can force them to

work

hard, I believe that cooperation is more important because it teaches them to

work

on a

team

. On the one hand, forcing children to be successful in life can help them to

work

hard. Instilling

this

mindset on them can make them believe that if they

work

hard enough they will be able to achieve anything they want in life. They will be more competitive and

this

can

also

enhance their confidence,

as a result

, they will be more successful.

For instance

, Elon Musk said that he was more motivated to do well in school because his parents expected him to be a dean's lister when he was studying.

However

, teaching kids to be cooperative is more important because it can help them to

work

on a

team

On the other hand

, cooperation teaches kids the value of working with

others

. It can help them learn that sharing the workload can get things done faster.

Also

, it does not only help them know their strengths and weaknesses but

as well as

others

thus

this

collaboration can achieve greater success.

For example

,most company require their employee to be a good

team

player because they know that

this

is essential for the growth of the company.

Hence

, I believe that working with

others

plays a more important role in children's lives. In conclusion, though forcing a child to be successful encourages them to

work

harder, I believe that cooperation teaches them the importance of working on a

team

Submitted by yoko.onerom on Thu Mar 28 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure your comparison between forcing success and valuing cooperation is clear and delineated. This will enhance the clarity of your argument and strengthen your essay.

Task Achievement

Work on integrating examples more seamlessly into your argument. While examples like Elon Musk add value, ensure they are fully explored and clearly linked to your main point.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay showcases a good logical structure. To improve, ensure transition words or phrases are utilized effectively to guide the reader through your argument with ease.

Coherence & Cohesion

Work on diversifying your sentence structures. This will not only improve the flow of your essay but also demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, effectively framing and summarizing your argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

The main ideas in your essay are supported and developed throughout, providing a solid structure to your argument.

Task Achievement

Your essay successfully addresses the prompt, providing a clear stance on the topic with a reasoned argument.

Task Achievement

Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, making your essay easy to follow and understand.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

287 words

8.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that it is important for parents to force their children to success while others believe that cooperation is more important. Do you agree with this?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Many people like to eat unhealthy food even though they know it's bad for themselves. Why? What effective ways can improve people's healthy eating habits?

Some schools have restricted the use of mobile phones. Is this a positive development or a negative one?

With the development of media online, there is no future for radio. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

STUDIES SHOW THAT CRIME RATE ARE LOWER AMONG THOSE WITH EDUCATION DEGREES. THEREFORE, THE BEST WAY TO REDUCE THE CRIME RATE IS TO EDUCATE CRIMINALS WHILE THEY ARE STILL IN PRISON. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

Crime rates among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.