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Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many elderly people are no long looked after by their families but put are in nurse homes or care homes. What are the advantages or disadvantages of this trend?

#people #families #nurse #homes #care #trend
These days,
People
 have a very hectic lifestyle
thus
 the young generation and middle-aged
people
 can not help their old family members.Elderly
people
 are not taken care of by their families or are looked after in care homes by nurses.In
this
 will be discussed both the beneficial and detrimental impacts of
this
. On the one hand, parents who are ageing need help on a daily basis
such
 as they are always monitoring their pills and daily nutrients since they should be in nurse homes or care homes and they have chances to walk around nature with their nurses because their nurses should manage
this
 activity to rejuvenate their young powers and they can get rid of a variety of bad feelings, all of these efforts are very useful
while
 they should be in
such
 kind of nursing places.
On the other hand
, there are several drawbacks to
this
 trend. Formerly, these
people
 may lose their abilities and behaviour which can be interpersonal skills and table manners. If they who not converse with anybody every single day they will face ethical issues.
Secondly
,grandchildren may lose the chance to learn skills or behaviours from elderly
people
 who are grandparents or elderly parents whom they do not know previously In conclusion, there are several concepts mentioned above which have both positive and negative developments on the individuals
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the question, presenting a balanced view on the advantages and disadvantages of nursing homes for the elderly. To enhance your essay, consider using a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to express your ideas more vividly.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've done well in structuring your essay into clear paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific aspect of the topic. To further improve coherence, make sure every paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. This can be achieved by using linking phrases more consistently.
Task Achievement
While your main points are supported, consider adding more detailed examples or statistics to bolster your arguments. This approach will provide your essay with more depth and persuasiveness.
Task Achievement
You've brilliantly outlined the benefits and drawbacks concerning the elderly being cared for in homes, making your essay comprehensive and insightful.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your essay, helping readers understand your stance and summarizing your main points well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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