Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
To begin
, some claim that music
has the power to unite individuals
of all ages and cultural backgrounds. It has some advantages and I will agree with this
statement and discuss the bullet points in the forthcoming paragraphs.
However
, music
is like love for all of the individuals
. People
like to listen to music
with joy, sorrow, and excitement. Individuals
of any age a child or an old age person love to hear the voice of their favorite artist. Not only it has been filling the generation gap between the people
but it making a bond between them. For example
, the Indian national song Vande Mataram is listened to by everyone in the country and it encourages every individual of all age groups to love to Nation.
Moreover
, music
has the power to heal pain no matter what individual is from which background. It binds the people
of every Nation in hospitals, music
is used for the patients by Doctors to cure them as early as possible. Additionally
, tone unites all cultures together. For example
, Hindi songs are loved by foreigners also
and they used to enjoy the songs and also
learn them. Along with
this
many English songs are beloved by other countries. Music
is a powerful tool that binds all cultures together with
Unity without any discrimination.
To conclude
, some suggest that music
is a powerful tool for fostering relationships between individuals
of all ages and cultures. I agree with this
statement as it is true, that music
is used by everyone in joy, sorrow, enjoyment, excitement, for work and to cure the people
. This
is a Managing tool that binds people
together.Submitted by psingh8059 on
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task achievement
Your essay efficiently communicates the power of music in bridging cultural and generational gaps. To further improve, consider adding more diverse examples from various global musical traditions. This could add depth to your argument and make your essay even more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
You demonstrated a good use of paragraphs to separate your ideas which aids coherence. For cohesion, adding a few more linking words or phrases to better connect your ideas could help the flow of your essay. For example, transitioning phrases between paragraphs would smooth the narrative flow.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are well-formed, effectively introducing and summing up your argument in a compelling manner.
supported main points
You presented relevant examples to support your main points, such as the use of music in hospitals and the universal appeal of songs across cultures, which strengthened the persuasiveness of your essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your argument is clear and comprehensive, nicely illustrating your agreement with the statement and demonstrating the unifying power of music.