IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to tru and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#country #technology #skills #life #tru
Any country
entries
Replace the word
enters
show examples
 the new
technologies
 in their life, automatically old life Will disappear. I agree with
this
 attendance because new
technologies
means
Change the verb form
mean
show examples
 new methods and these techniques are totally different from the traditional ways. So , in
this
article
Add a comma
article,
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 I will discuss these two reasons.
Firstly
, new
technologies
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 used internet and
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
.
Moreover
, if we
are used
Wrong verb form
use
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 networks in our jobs
that
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 will lead to
change
Wrong verb form
changes
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
system
 of
states
 to fit
this new
Change the determiner
this new technology
these new technologies
show examples
technologies
.
In addition
, when we were involved in these new methods, the organs of
states
 would
developed
Change the verb form
be developed
develop
show examples
. What is more,
Correct article usage
the webs
show examples
webs
Fix the agreement mistake
web
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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completely
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
system
Correct article usage
a system
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 of
states
 which
are lead
Wrong verb form
leads
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 to
put
Verb problem
apply
show examples
these
states
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing countries. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, when countries started
applied
Wrong verb form
applying
show examples
this
system
, a lot of things would different.
For instance
, the number of employees in every company may be reduced,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
because those mentioned companies will not need
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these
Labours
Correct your spelling
labourers
show examples
.
Furthermore
,
new
Add an article
the new
a new
show examples
system
 is
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
 costs but
that is
 a little problem because the new
system
 could develop each institution and that lead to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
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 percentage of profits
further
 than a lot of other advantages.
To conclude
,
although
 the new
system
 contains lots of negatives
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 the positives
are over
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages.
This
 new technology is really
development
Replace the word
developing
show examples
 each country and put it with developing countries
in addition
, that
system
 brings huge income to each state or company applied it.
Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on

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Introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the topics you will discuss, and try to provide a concise thesis statement.
Language Use
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to convey your ideas more effectively. This adds depth and clarity to your writing.
Paragraphing
Remember to use paragraphs effectively to group related ideas. This helps improve the logical flow of your essay.
Supporting Examples
Include more specific examples to support your points. Adding real-world examples or hypothetical situations can make your argument more convincing.
Accuracy
Check your essay for spelling and grammatical errors. While small inaccuracies are understood, keeping your writing as error-free as possible is essential for clear communication.
Balanced Argument
You have effectively communicated your opinion and discussed both sides of the argument, which is crucial for the task.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarises the key points effectively, restating your main argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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