Obesity has become an issue in some western countries, especially among children.What are the reasons behind, and what effects does it have on individual's life

#obesity #countries #children #effects #life

Nowadays,

obesity

has been a grave issue in some Western countries, especially among

children

This

essay aims to shed light on the underlying causes of

obesity

and the dire consequences of

this

issue. One of the primary drivers of

this

problem is poor eating habits. In today’s world

children

have abundant chances for being exposed to diverse kinds of foods, especially the ones with high fat and sugar content. To cite an example, in order to make the shelf life of foods more prolonged, manufacturers usually add food additives and some artificial chemicals which directly affect the

body

and cause

obesity

. Another plausible reason is the

sedimentary

Correct your spelling

sedentary

show examples

and inactive lifestyle that mainly affects

children

western

Capitalize word

Western

show examples

parts of the world.

While

children

need to be in movement every day to have healthy bodies,

due to

digital platforms, online game sites and some other alluring factors, they often fail.

For instance

, when being inactive,

body

Add an article

the body

show examples

can not digest food properly, so the

body

turns it into

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

fat, which triggers

obesity

. Turning to consequences, it is evident that

children

often fail to have a good lifestyle and social conduct because of being fat. They, sometimes, are bullied in public schools and are insulted by their peers because of their

body

size,

therefore

, stress caused by these kinds of things exacerbates

this

issue by causing

children

to be more obese.

Furthermore

, they often fail in games which require physical activities,

such

as football, basketball

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

etc. The

body

weight affects them negatively as it impedes the quickness of actions in

children

To sum up

obesity

can be triggered by a passive lifestyle and poor diet, and it can lead to possible social problems and some undesirable incapabilities.

Resul

Correct your spelling

Result

show examples

Submitted by bhoswriting on Fri Mar 29 2024

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Style

Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and engagement. Diversifying sentence types adds depth to your writing and keeps the reader interested.

Spelling

Pay close attention to spelling, especially consistent use of British or American English. For example, 'sedentary' was spelled as 'sedimentary', which has a different meaning. Consistency and accuracy in spelling can improve the overall professionalism of the essay.

Grammar

Keep an eye on typing and grammatical errors that might slip through, such as 'the sedimentary and inactive lifestyle that mainly affects children in western parts of the world.' It should be 'a sedentary and inactive lifestyle...' or 'sedentary and inactive lifestyles...'. Small corrections can greatly enhance the clarity of your statements.

Introduction & Conclusion

Your introduction and conclusion were well-structured, offering a clear overview of the essay's aim and summarizing the key points effectively.

Examples

You provided specific and relevant examples to support your arguments, which greatly strengthened your essay.

Logical Structure

The logical progression of your ideas from causes to consequences made your essay coherent and easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

286 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Obesity has become an issue in some western countries, especially among children.What are the reasons behind, and what effects does it have on individual's life

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Littering in cities is an increasing problem which needs to be dealt with. Some people think that steeper fines is the best way to deal with the problem. To what extent do you agree?

Instead of asking the government to bear the cost of higher education, students should pay their own tuition fees themselves. Do you agree or disagree with this statement

Some say that parents whose children are breaking the law must be punished in some way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree.