Obesity has become an issue in some Western countries, especially among children.What are the reasons behind, and what effects does it have on individuals' life?
Nowadays,
obesity
has turned into a major obstruction in Western countries, especially among juveniles. This
essay will shed light on rationales
behind it and reveal its effects.
Major reasons that pave the way for additional weight are not only a poor diet but Correct article usage
the rationales
also
a lack of regular exercises
. Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
Initially
, individuals primarily give the preference to eat unhealthy junk food in McDonalds or KFC. In today’s fast-paced society, widespread GM food can induce to be overweight. Secondly
, the shortage of responsibility to do daily workouts can lead to obesity
. Individuals splash out their time to immerse themselves to obtain
invaluable knowledge at school rather than doing exercises. Routinely engaging in activities Change preposition
in obtaining
such
as daily run
can contribute to Replace the word
running
stay
fit and can diminish our mass.
The implications of Wrong verb form
staying
obesity
are getting serious day by day and need to be taken into consideration. Firstly
, fatness can generate serious health-related issues and influence adversely our life expectancy. Eating a balanced diet can alleviate the symptoms that plumpness brings about. Being obese can impede children to race
competitively, causing a multitude of negative jokes Change preposition
from racing
by
other students. Undergoing Change preposition
from
a
bullying is a common phenomenon that takes place in the majority of schools. Remove the article
apply
According to
some scientists, plumpness can suppress unpleasantly juveniles’ reasoning and deep thought, impacting undesirably to their graded marks and job life.
Taking everything into consideration, despite the fact that being obesity
has a number of grounds such
as diet problem
and irresponsibility of individuals, there are abundant essential obstacles that Fix the agreement mistake
problems
obesity
causes.Submitted by bhoswriting on
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Style
To enhance the sophistication of your argument, consider introducing a wider variety of sentence structures and a more diverse vocabulary related to the topic at hand. This would not only make your essay more engaging but also showcase your linguistic capabilities.
Tone
Be cautious with the usage of terms and phrases that might seem a little informal or colloquial for an academic context. Phrases like 'splash out their time' or references to specific brands could be made more neutral or replaced with generalized terms to maintain an academic tone.
Structure
Pay attention to providing clear, logical transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This helps in maintaining a smooth flow and coherence throughout your essay, enhancing the reader's understanding and engagement.
Task Achievement
You have done an excellent job of addressing both components of the question - the reasons behind obesity, especially among children in Western countries and the effects of obesity on individuals' lives. Your comprehensive coverage of both parts of the question is commendable.
Introduction/Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate the essence of your essay, providing clarity on your intention and summarizing your key points succinctly. This is a valuable skill in essay writing.
Supporting Details
You have successfully supported your main points with clear examples and explanations, which greatly enhances the strength of your arguments. The consistency in developing your ideas throughout the essay is notable.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.