IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Government should spend tax money on public libraries rather than public transportation improvements. To what extend do you agree with this statement?

#government #tax #money #libraries #transportation #improvements
In today’s fast-paced world, spending taxes on public
libraries
 and transportation has become a vital issue. Personally, I partially agree with
this
 appointment because there are some reasons why I think like that. I completely believe that investing
money
 in public
libraries
 by the
government
 can be more beneficial,
while
 it is crucial for
also
 public transportation. One of the most significant and major reasons why I think so is that recent scientific research shows that approximately 78% of
people
 claim that the
government
 should spend their
money
 which comes from taxes
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 improving library facilities because some
people
 cannot afford to study at homes as they do not have any kind of resources to learn new information in their field. So, they need to go to public
libraries
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and find appropriate books or other types of sources to do some research. As for online research, nearly half of the young generations who come from poor families cannot pay a fee for the network. It is optimal that if the
government
 spend taxes on
libraries
,
this
 time more
people
 may utilize
this
 staff’s amenities, including using technological appliances in order to search a relevant website.
However
, using
money
on
Change preposition
as
show examples
means
Correct article usage
a means
show examples
 of transportation can be an ideal way to supply
people
 with a comfortable environment. A growing number of
people
 believe that it is more prevalent to get more opportunities on public
transport
 as their numbers are limited.
For example
, some
people
, including me argue that it is the better option for preventing crowded places which are caused by having more
people
 than necessary.
In addition
, some
people
 do not have any
money
 to utilize public
transport
 like buses, or underground. It can be the better way
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if poor
people
 do not have to pay any
money
 for consuming
transport
. In conclusion, I believe that both aspects are important to make our life a brilliant and beautiful place to live.
Therefore
, the
government
 should spend tax
money
 on both public
libraries
 and
transport
.
Submitted by writingbhos on

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task achievement
Keep your essay balanced by exploring both sides of the argument equally. Though you've discussed both the importance of public libraries and transportation, ensuring even coverage can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, try to make each paragraph focus on a single main idea. Also, use more cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures more to enhance readability and keep your writing engaging.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay topic and your stance, providing a clear foundation for the argument.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument and makes it more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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