Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health
In modern society, it is much easier for
children
to get
Verb problem
watch
computer
games
and spend more time
on TV
than before. Besides
, parents are busy finishing and handling their work. As a result
, they do not have enough time
to accompany their children
. And parents will use TV
and games
to accompany their children
. Thus
, children
waste a lot of time
on this
electronic entertainment. Is it a negative effect on children
's mental abilities
? To me, I agree with this
point. I think watching TV
and playing computer
games
are negative on children
's mental abilities
.
First of all, watching TV
and playing computer
games
cause children
to reduce thinking
. Correct pronoun usage
their thinking
TV
programs and computer
games
provide numerous images and sounds. Children
do not have the opportunity to imagine and create their thinking. They lose the opportunity to think and grow up. It will affect children
's mental abilities
. By contrast
, activities like reading or drawing develop many areas of the brain and help children
to think and imagine.
In the second place, children
will decrease interaction with other people because of spending much time
watching TV
and playing computer
games
. When children
spend a lot of time
watching TV
and playing computer
games
all day, they will not have time
and the opportunity to play outdoors with other people. Physical activity also
helps with brain development. Therefore
, children
should be discouraged from watching TV
and playing computer
games
.
To conclude
, our bodies and minds need to move and think. If we stop them moving, our bodies and minds will get worse. Therefore
, we should help children
's mental abilities
through reading and drawing instead
of spending too much time
watching TV
and playing computer
games
.Submitted by Community 11E4 on
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Detail Enrichment
Try to include more specific examples or detailed analysis to better support your points and illustrate the impact on children's mental abilities.
Balance and Elaboration
Consider elaborating on alternatives to screen time that can benefit children's mental health, providing a more balanced view of your argument.
Tone Adjustment
Maintain a more formal tone by avoiding personal pronouns such as 'I' or 'we' to keep your writing appropriately academic.
Transitional Phrasing
To enhance coherence and cohesion, aim for smoother transitions between paragraphs and points. Phrases like 'First of all,' 'In the second place,' and 'To conclude,' can be varied for a more engaging read.
Structure
Your clear structure, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, effectively guides the reader through your argument.
Task Engagement
You've tackled the task head-on, presenting clear arguments against the excessive use of TV and computer games by children
Argument Development
The essay makes some effective points on the potential negatives of excessive screen time on children's brain development and social skills.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.