With the improvements in today's health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how it can be managed?

#improvements #health #care #society #people #numbers

Due to

advancements in healthcare infrastructure the global population is experiencing a notable growth in the number of elderly individuals. The potential problems behind

this

trend are increased pressure on healthcare systems and a lack of job opportunities,

while

solutions involve funding sufficient money in services for old people and creating more employment institutions.

To begin

with, modern medical science has contributed to a rise in the number of the elderly.

Thus

, some effects are inevitable.

Firstly

, as the old population grows, there is a possible demand for long-term care facilities and support for age-related health conditions, and in turn, it can lead to a strong strain on many services.

Additionally

, as the elderly have a deep insight and undeniable knowledge and experience in many fields, it is tough for the young to find a job.

For instance

, in one country in Asia,

due to

a significant number of old in workplaces, the young generation could not find a job, so, they have decided to migrate to other countries. It is necessary to address possible proactive solutions.

Firstly

, in order to reduce the burden on medical systems, the government should invest a notable amount of money in services related to health facilities and should make

such

facilities affordable for the elderly to meet their needs.

Moreover

, the authorities should create enough work establishments for all people.

Hence

, in

this

way, unemployment rates among the young can witness a remarkable decline. In conclusion, the increasing old population can cause a weight burden on medical infrastructure and unemployment among the young,

whereas

methods to solve these issues involve the financial support of the government and generating more employment places.

Submitted by writingbhos on Sun Mar 31 2024

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coherence cohesion

Introduce a wider range of linking words to enhance coherence. For instance, incorporating furthermore, henceforth, or however, could make transitions between ideas smoother.

task achievement

It's beneficial to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This could involve detailing the healthcare system pressures or providing statistics on employment impact.

general

Make sure to vary your sentence structures to keep your writing dynamic. This will also show greater language proficiency.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, followed by supporting details. One way is to start a paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea.

coherence cohesion

You provided a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively framed your essay

task achievement

You have addressed the question fully, covering both the aspects of the problem and proposed solutions

task achievement

You effectively used examples to illustrate your points, like the mention of job competition in Asia

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

277 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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With the improvements in today's health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how it can be managed?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governmnents must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Children are facing more pressure nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspective. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Describe the skills a person needs to be a good parent.