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Band 6.5

Many elderly people are no longer looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. what are the advantages and disadvtanges of this trend?

#people #families #care #homes #disadvtanges #trend
Currently,
care
homes
 and nursing
homes
 are one of the most common choices for taking
care
 of old-age
people
,
instead
 of staying with their
families
.
This
 essay will examine more about what are, benefits and the drawbacks of
this
 tendency. The advantage of using
care
homes
 alternatively is helping
elders
 to make new friends. In comparison with staying at home,
people
 who live in nursing
homes
 have more activities during the day which are playing chess or basically sitting down and having a cup of tea about their young life together.
In addition
, the commitment to great health
care
 service is considered by
elders
'
families
. Especially, the old-age
people
 can reach not only the careful treatment from friendly staff but
also
 the benefits from public health policy. Despite
this
, there are significant disadvantages that can bring sadness to elderly
people
.
Firstly
, it means that
elders
 do not have any meaningful moments with their modern
families
 even memorial happiness. All members of the family are supposed to spend quality time taking
care
 of their home,
while
 they just focus on their busy schedules. Even if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old age
people
 already have great assistance services,
families
 are always the most important and indispensable place for old age
people
. In conclusion, nursing
homes
 or
care
homes
 might be suitable services for elderly
people
, but staying at home will usually offer a better choice for saving their affordable memorials and showing their
families
' responsibility as well. Personally, I believe that we need to know exactly what the
elders
 really need before deciding which are the best way to make them happy
Submitted by dangtran862000 on

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Structure
Consider refining your essay by organizing it into clear paragraphs, each devoted to a specific point. This will enhance readability and coherence.
Support
To further strengthen your argument, consider including more specific examples or statistics to support your main points.
Clarity
Revise and make sure you clearly distinguish between advantages and disadvantages in your paragraphs to improve task achievement and reader understanding.
Word Choice
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and make the essay more engaging.
Content
You effectively identified both advantages and disadvantages related to the topic, which meets the task requirements.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoints and provides a clear ending to the essay.
Engagement
The essay introduces engaging topics for discussion, such as the emotional implications of elderly care choices.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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