IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents home once they finish school they start living on their own or sharing a house with friends. Is this positive or negative development?

#countries #world #people #parents #home #school #house #friends #development
The living lifestyle of today's generation has altered
due to
 the rise of competition in
further
 education after finishing school as they initiate spending their life own or staying with their age groups leaving their parents behind. I believe separation promotes independence, self-reliance
as well as
 personal development and I discuss
this
 in the upcoming paragraphs .
To begin
 with, living away from family trains
people
 how to live their own life.
In other words
, the young generation must learn how to manage everything
such
 as financial expenses, bills, fees , grocery budgets and so on which would be beneficial for their successful future.
For example
, an International survey has shown that 80% of students migrate for their higher study in different countries and they are brilliant in management rather than others who are living with their parents with no responsibility,
consequently
, they are at higher risk of failure in their career than those who are experienced in management in their early twenties.
Secondly
, parents who agree with their children to shift themselves somewhere else are those who want their children's personal growth as if they independently connected with other
people
 without their parent's support to become more successful in their work career.
For instance
, interacting with more and more outside
people
 who are successful in their lives assists children to follow their path and socially become sharp-minded and connect with the modern world,
as a result
, they live up-to-date by joining brilliant
people
. In conclusion, living outside of home not only sharpens
youngster's
Change noun form
youngsters'
show examples
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 but
also
 provides them
more
Change preposition
with more
show examples
 confidence to interact with prestigious
people
 who guide them on how to be successful
as well as
 aware them of upcoming technology
Submitted by maninderdeep on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction
Ensure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction, making your stance immediately obvious to the reader.
language
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and avoid repetition.
language
Consider diversifying your sentence structures for a more sophisticated and engaging text.
development
When providing examples, make sure they are specific and directly support your point.
accuracy
Always proofread your essay for minor grammatical and punctuation errors to enhance clarity and professionalism.
structure
You have structured the essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
Your essay effectively addresses the task with relevant arguments and examples.
content
You've done a good job in discussing both the benefits of living away from home, strengthening your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: