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Band 7

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #services
One of the most recent trends in today's world is the upsurge in
Government
 investing
funds
 in entertainment is a waste of money
instead
 of doing that the
government
 must invest
this
 money in civil
services
. There is a wide sprit of belief among
people
 that
this
 is a popular subject of debate. In my perspective, I partly agree with
this
 statement and
this
 essay will demonstrate the reasons. On the one hand, it is essential to spend money on public
services
 because it helps to enhance the lifestyle of citizens. As an example, the health of
people
 in that
country
 is vital to the development of the
country
.
Therefore
, investing
funds
 in health
services
 is another investment for the
country
.
That is
 one of the most preponderant ones.
Secondly
, Education is the future of the
country
,
hence
 if the
government
 can give free education to every student, even poor families’ children will be educated as well.
On the other hand
, arts, Music and cinema are crucial to relieving the mind of the
people
 from hectic routine.
For example
, if the authority conducts
such
 musical programs, stage dramas and movies
people
 will have opportunities to participate with family and have some quality time to spend together.
Furthermore
, if the
government
 holds exhibitions and museums, human beings can learn about culture. In my opinion, the whole world is focusing on educating the
government
 about investing
funds
 in public
services
 and entertainment as well. In conclusion, in my opinion,
although
 investing
government
funds
 in public
services
 and entertainment both have merits
therefore
 I partly agree with both.
Submitted by Grrace on

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coherence cohesion
To further enhance your essay, consider introducing a wider range of linking words and phrase. This would not only improve the logical flow of your essay but also enrich its linguistic variety, making your argumentation even stronger and more nuanced.
task achievement
While your essay provides a balanced view on the topic, adding more detailed examples and evidence to support your arguments could make your stance more convincing. Providing specific instances or data could significantly strengthen your claims.
coherence cohesion
You've done a commendable job in structuring your essay. The presence of an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion clarifies your position and aids in maintaining a logical flow throughout.
task achievement
Your balanced approach to discussing both sides of the argument before stating your own opinion is a strong strategy for Task Achievement. This comprehensive examination of the topic showcases your ability to engage critically with complex issues.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
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