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Band 7

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#shops #food #drinks #people’s #health
Contemporary society is known as the era of well-being. From
this
 aspect, questions about whether shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be detrimental to an individual’s
health
 are raised. In my opinion, selling any meal
products
 should be regulated at the retail to some extent. Irrefutably, daily meals can influence personal
health
.
This
 is because individuals purchase limited
products
 and hard to access detrimental groceries and beverages.
This
 obviously leads to the natural purchasing of fitness
products
 and
this
 encourages consumers to have an increase in positive effects
such
 as weight loss, high concentration and better
health
 conditions. What is more,
although
 the conveniences of buying at retail cannot be ignored, reckless consumption can be prevented over expenses. To exemplify, the big fans of instant food no longer purchase plenty of snacks and sodas and store significant quantities of harmful foodstuff in their pantry.
This
,
therefore
, encourages limited purchases.
Nevertheless
, the rights of consumers are crucial. In order words, since clients make a payment for buying food and drinks, harmful or optimal foodstuff is purchased by personal determination, so personal respectability about consuming detrimental
products
 is needed.
To conclude
, the rights of consumers are crucial but daily meals can influence personal
health
 and reckless consumption can be prevented over expenses.
Thus
, selling any groceries and beverages should be regulated at the retail.
Submitted by subin12260 on

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coherence cohesion
You have a strong essay structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which aids in coherence and cohesion. However, try to use a wider range of linking devices to better connect ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains one main idea supported by examples or explanations. This was mostly achieved, but there were a few instances where additional examples could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You've effectively addressed the task and presented a clear position throughout the essay. To enhance task achievement, make your stance more pronounced in the introduction for an immediate strong impact.
task achievement
Including more specific, real-world examples to back up your points would make your argument more compelling and improve task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure (introduction, body, and conclusion) effectively aids in the clarity and development of your argument.
task achievement
You have successfully developed and supported your main points, contributing to task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Regulations
  • accountability
  • retailers
  • public health
  • consumer choice
  • diet
  • banning
  • health education
  • awareness campaigns
  • economic impact
  • job losses
  • small businesses
  • complexity
  • beneficial
  • harmful
  • quantity consumed
  • individual health conditions
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